Friday, September 28, 2012

A wingspan unbelievable

Started working on the profile to find a new home for our embryos.

I carry the dollhouse, safe on my shoulders
Through the black city, night lights are on in the corners
And everyone's sleeping upstairs
All safe and sound


Sunday, September 23, 2012

And we'll all float on okay

Note: this post is purely self indulgent and I cannot imagine anyone finding it interesting unless you are in my shoes or your initials are CS.

My Jaybird is feeling better today.  Roseola.  (Several days of a very high fever followed by spots that cause no discomfort.)

Fool that I am, I thought I was back on the exclusive breastfeeding train.  How wrong I was.  But, I don't feel so down about it this time, in fact, it makes me laugh.  Gives me insight to the little man Jay will become some day.

Bottles were wasted for four glorious days in my house.  The Prince would have nothing to do with them.  I ruled this house with a kind and generous hand.  My reign of his crib was a short, peaceful, glorious time.

Today was different.  

Happy morning; I saw Jay-smiles and Jay-bouncing.  I saw him Leah-chasing and dog-chasing.  

I would leap at his command for milk.  He would nurse for..... 2 minutes.


Crawl up and ask me.  Nurse for one minute.


Crawl up and ask me.  Nurse for one minute.  

This went on for 8-9 times.  Then he was at my feet crying Mammammmmmaammmaa.  I tried to nurse one more time, then said the dreaded word he had clearly forgotten:  "ba ba, ba ba" and fetched it for him.  He drained it with laser focus.

At bedtime, I nursed him on both sides.  He quickly frustrated with my left (the lame mastitis breast) and moved to my right.  He drank happily for a bit... then started to beat it with his tiny, fat fist.

I looked deeply into his eyes and said the word that used to feel like poison on my lips: "ba ba".  He bounced and repeated it back to me: "BA BA, BA BA"!

He drank half the bottle, then batted it away.  He asked for Momma again and quickly fell asleep at the breast.

Tears, but the good kind this time.

Sometimes I love him so much I cannot even see straight.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Good news for people who love bad news

Jaybird has a fever of over 102.

Guess who smacks away the bottle with his fat princely hand?

Guess who only wants Momma and her low hanging fruit?

Busting out the nursing liners for my leaks,
Loving the sweet outcome of his suffering,
The Most Selfish Mom in the World,
Your Friend,
The Milk Master,


Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Dear God, please forgive Leah, for today I plucked two (2) gray eyebrow hairs from my sweet, overworked head.


Friday, September 14, 2012



Jay, I promise you are not missing anything.  Can't you just stay latched a minute more?

I think this ship has sailed.  

I have no leaks, no need for liners.  Really never did use liners except for one brief period in June or July.  I thought I was the embodiment of femininity and life source.

I couldn't get him to nurse last before bed night very long.  He slept through the night.  Did I awaken with le(a)d zeppelins?  Nope.  Regular old boobs at my waistline, maybe a little bit heavier than the night before.

Surely he would devour them upon waking.

Nope.  Poked around at them and then looked at me, whispering "Ba ba, ba ba".

Stupid tears.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

....then That happens

The growing up bullshit.

Little man Jay becomes more loving every day as he pushes his way out into his own path.

Cue heartbreak and pride.  Probably not in that order, but it feels like it sometimes.

Breastfeeding is boring.  Just ask him.  He will give it about <1 minute attention, then he is popping off to scout the landscape.  Take inventory.  Note Leah's location or heaven forbid, her absence.  

Pop back on.  Get pissed this thing isn't cranking milk out like it used to produce.  Bite momma.  Laugh.  You should see his face.  Naughty grin that makes me laugh.

Yeah, I know.  I could pump.  I could take the iHop syrup supplements.  Drink that tea.  I could bow to the LLL and bust my ass to get my supply up.  Maybe.  I could also fix the flux capacitor and get the extra time to do all this.

I had the plague known as mastitis.  My production took a heavy hit as I was OUT in bed with severe nausea.  My milk has always been a weak spot for me.  Takes it 5+ days to come in.  Like a lamb.

I know it is coming to an end and I am sad before it even happens.

There is an upside, of course.  I get words from Jay in exchange.  I get a thunder crawl in my direction when I walk into the room.  I get a literal bouncing baby boy in Rocco's arms when I walk in the room.  All my room entries are quite dramatic apparently.  

It helps a lot, but sometimes I get a little swept away just looking at his face and dropping him off in his dorm room.