Messages from above

I moved here in 1993 from Ohio.  Chicago is the great mecca of the Midwest.  I am here, but I still root for the Buckeyes.  OSU is how I came to know another Jesus.  There are lots of sites dedicated to this fellow, but I picked this one to make myself laugh at the high five near the bottom.  Usually, you form around the raised arms to spell O-H-I-O.  It is funny to me.

Ride with me here, it all comes together in the end.

My husband's birthday is always difficult.  He doesn't like stuff, he never wants anything.  I got creative and had this terrific grad student come out to do a family photo shoot.

We took the pictures on Sunday.  We sat on a bench, stood around, usual awkward poses for trying to look natural.

On Monday, one of my favorite oak trees fell into the front yard.  This isnt the tree obviously but I was too sad to take a picture of it.  It seemed disrespectful.  It just up and fell - no storm, no wind, no (foreshadowing) lightning.

On Tuesday, it seems Jesus was struck by lightning and burned to the ground.

What?

Here is the bench we were sitting on for pictures, smashed.  It was sitting right under that tree that came crashing down.

Yikes.

Is Someone trying to send me a message?  I POAS this weekend.

Here is Huck in front of the bench.  He never had that bottom canine tooth.  It was missing when we adopted him.  Cute, isnt it?

Booby twinge

This one is for the die hards who have been around the block.

What came first the chicken or the egg?  Did I really feel a booby twinge or is it just my progesterone fucking with me? 

2wMFw and you can guess what the MF stands for.

I wish I had more to do than just suppositories

Total lack of control.  I only have one measly progesterone suppository every morning.  At least with my old retrievals I got to inject the stuff.  Now it is just plain old tampon style.

It seems weak.  Too easy.  I didn't have to pay through the nose for it - they are all samples from the office.  How valuable can it be if you are giving it away?

I feel like I am not to voice these questions, but if this doesn't turn out as planned, how long are we on the bench before the next full cycle?  RE thinks we should go for another retrieval since I typically have 8-9 follicles at retrieval.

Donor pushed off a little longer.  I am really flippy on the donor eggs.  When they are biting at my heels, I panic.  When the option is taken off the table, I worry too.  My eggs have a history of success and something else.  Long story.

I was on my OB site yesterday.  It had a link for high risk pregnancy, so I clicked through.  There was a whole section dedicated to 'Pregnancy after 30'.

30???

Sometimes I get a slap back to reality.  I will be delighted with a baby, no matter how we get there.

Fully loaded.

I don't care what they say, I hate to pee after a transfer or an IUI.  I wont even mention my fear of the BM.

Not sure what to do with my head.  The produce number today was grim.  12 million, instead of 85M, but great improvement in motility.  I am so tired of analyzing it, but my final verdict is I would rather have one car with gas than 1000 cars on empty.

I am wearing my rose quartz crystal and just amped it up with a medal of St. Gerard (patron saint of expectant mothers).  I was confirmed Catholic, but I wouldn't call myself a Catholic. 

Funny how that works.  I am the Catholic pagan who occasionally attends a non denominational Christian church so she can see just how poorly she fits in.  Whatever it takes.

A positive and hopeful title

Poor response.  Our retrieval has been canceled in exchange for an IUI.

Mother father.

We have 2 eggs and Large Fertility Operation wants to see at least 3 for surgery.  I suppose you could read they are cooking the books a little, but I know how our numbers dropped lower with each step along the process the last 2 retrievals.  Since we are self pay, it seems to make the most sense.

The medical squirt is tomorrow.  I triggered last night. 

You should see the dress I am stuffed into today.  I would complain about it, but I feel like I must respect left and right ovary, especially that right one holding my two winners.

Crap.

I am up to 450 Follistim and we only have 2 follicles measuring in the right place.  Crap.  Going back on Sunday to see if this becomes IUI.  Crap.  Since we have the male factor, I sort of fear it might be pointless.  I am not supposed to say that stuff out loud.  Crap.

I think the next plan is donor.  

Fuck me.

Oh, its working

I called the pharmacy to get more insulin needles and a sharps container.  The gal on the other end asked how I would like to pay for the $5 shipping fee.  My first freak out.  Thousands of dollars in meds and you cant do simple math to determine the correct number of needles?

It looks like we have 4 follicles and another 4 lurking just below the surface.  Sounds like I could get more follicles, but no promises.  I told my RE I wasn't afraid to overstimulate.  I read on another blog about OHSS.  It sounds like hell, but if it wont kill me, I will do it so we can get this show on the road.

My RE is quite sweet and let me know she wasn't worried about that happening.  I finally caught on that what she meant was my dry ole uterus couldn't overstimulate if it tried.

Luckily, I found this funny and did not let loose the Lupron Monster.