My RE called to personally deliver the news today.
There was something about the way she delivered the news that I already knew. It made me breakdown and cry all over again.
"I am so very sorry."
It meant a lot to me that she made the call herself. Over the years, we have become quite close for a patient/physician relationship. I think in different circumstances we would be friends. Or maybe we are.
I went to see my acupuncturist. As usual, she filled the role as my thera-puncturist. I was crying and it was picking up speed. It was all tumbling out of my mouth - what I should have done and what I did wrong.
She told me to stop taking credit for it.
Stop taking credit for the failure.
If this had been successful, I would have handed the success away.
Who am I to take responsibility for it's failure?
If I were pregnant, it certainly wouldn't have been me to make it happen. I have a team. A little bit of God, some of the other gods, and a whole lot of luck. It requires many things to fall into the right place at the right time.
If I cannot make it happen, I cannot make it fail.
This has to be her finest work. I left that place with my cares under her table. I cried hard during the treatment, but it was a release.
I am ready to go back at it. Bring on the bitch Aunt Flo and someone get me a pack of BCP.
Your comments were my lifeline. I don't need to tell you what they mean, do I?
I am humbled that so many women with so many personal worries and shit shows took the time out to help me tend to mine.