by Roccie of Roccie Road
I believed in my last post. I thought I had it.
I couldn't hold on to it. What a fucking fraud.
Yesterday I had what is probably called a break down. I left the office and sort of lost track of time.
Rocco staged an intervention and suggested I ask my RE about anti-depressants. I sent my RE an email that night and was surprised by her response. She was waiting for me when I went in for my baseline appointment today. We talked for quite some time.
I called my old psychiatrist (what, everyone doesn't have one on speed dial?). Her assistant said she couldn't see me until mid December. I hung up but then got a call from the doctor herself. She pulled my file and it must be ugly as she agreed to do our consult over the phone.
She doesn't have all of her ALI facts in order in my opinion, but she easily summed up the state of my head. Meds followed.
I had some reservations about the meds, but today after the fourth (what) person at work asked me if I was doing ok, I figured it was probably a good idea. One of them was my boss and I cried. Dammit.
I lost a job last time I was depressed. Ok, so I lost two. In a row.
My career has never recovered. Sometimes it gets to me.
Once upon a time, I had a self perceived Very Important Career where I made Great Money. Those days are gone. I now sit in a cube and work for a paycheck to cover my ART expenses.
In other news, I had a blood draw to test for autoimmune issues. If this next cycle fails, we will do a lap.
50-50% chance of success with a DE FET.