Thursday, November 10, 2011

Why were DE so easy for me?

How is that for a sensationalist title?  

Anyone who has been around here knows that title is kind of a load of crap, but true at the same time.  I freaked the fuck out when I faced donor eggs, but once I committed, I was in and rarely looked back.

Did I always know I would choose this option to continue my family?  Maybe.  DE were raised at my first WTF appointment after our 1st IVF cycle was a bust.  Was I always a little terrified of my own body?  Absolutely.  Losing my first pregnancy to severe genetic anomalies wrecked me.

This shirt was given to Toddlerina by well meaning family members (might I clarify his family, ahem).

I hated it the moment I saw it.

I found it again as I pull out Toddlerina's infant wear to use as hand me downs for this DE baby.  I only put it on Toddlerina one time.  It put me in a foul mood all day long.  You know that feeling where you just cannot settle - the feeling usually reserved when you are personally wearing something crappy - too tight, too sheer or way too last year.  

I hated that damn shirt.

I don't think hate is too strong a word.  It got me all riled up.  No, it is not hard to get me going, but this shirt was so damn presumptuous.

Why the fits, Roccie?  Is Toddlerina not created by that very fraction - one half you and one half Rocco?

Maybe I always knew I was coming this way, the way of family by donor egg.

I see a lot of folks out there in the middle of or considering their own DE dance and man, oh man, do I wish I could help you digest it all.  I try my best to support you by telling you how much I love my DE decision, but I felt I owed you this little bit of truth.  Maybe it was easier for me.  If your decision isn't as clear cut as mine felt, give it time.

I sit here at term today, 37 weeks.  I have one baby by me and one baby via gift egg.  I hope it gives me a unique perspective to share with you.  I am just so overcome with joy that my family will grow.  I hope you can find your path to your family no matter what it takes.


  1. Hey, Roccie. I hear you. And I'd hate that shirt, too.

  2. I think it's interesting that you note that your decision to go de route might have been made a bit more clear after genetically abnormal pregnancy. I definitely feel like that can be a factor. After out trisomy 18 pregnancy was aborted I felt like I didn't want to fool around with my own eggs anymore. We ultimately did for a final failed IVF attempt and then, of course, my urban myth pregnancy were both with my own eggs, but I can see how if you've only had undiagnosed losses it might be harder to move on to DE. We'll see if I still feel its as easy to move on to DE for child # 2. Of course, we already have embryos with my sister's eggs in storage. Anyhow, so very happy that you did move on and that you're sitting at 37 weeks almost there!

  3. I adore how open you are about all of this, thank you for that. BTW, please, please, please take that shirt to the trash ASAP

  4. That is one ugly shirt. I used donor eggs due to premature ovarian failure. So far, I have yet to become pregnant.
    Once the decision was made, my husband and I embraced it 100%. I admit that the day of egg retrieval was a bit emotional for me. But so far I've no regrets, neither does my partner. I guess, if this last round of FET works, I know I have a whole new set of feelings to work but I'll deal with them when they come. One at a time.
    Feel very at peace with my decision.

  5. I'm with you all the way on this - I hate that shirt (and the many like it I have seen) and DE were easy for me in the end too. And now that I have my baby, I can even look back at the 8 years of trying and 6 early losses (of my own genetic embryos) and wish it hadn't been so hard but be glad that it brought me to my son. Because I cannot imagine any better outcome from our journey - he is 100% perfect regardless of whose genes he has! I do not mourn the absence of my genetic code in him - I just delight in the fact that he is an amazing little person all of his own.

  6. If you lean a little closer I will set that shirt on fire. I am pleased as punch to see you here ticking off the final days to meet your wonderful gift. This was not an easy path, for sure. But, family building takes lots of unexpected turns.

  7. I can imagine that shirt rubbing you the wrong way.
    To be honest, simply the statement '100% perfect' irritates me. Let's not set too high expectations on the kid from birth, shall we.

    37 weeks, that is fabulous. Full term my doc would say!

  8. Congratulations on 37 weeks. I really can't wait to see your new one.

    I think gift eggs would be amazing. I don't hink I would have cared one bit if I had needed to use donor eggs.

  9. First of all...WOW?! Seriously?! 37 weeks today!! I am SOOO excited! And ya...ouch...that shirt pi$$ed me off the moment I read it. Nice gesture...but maybe put it at the bottom of the pile!

  10. I'm with you. Having two miscarriages with my own genetically compromised eggs definitely made me start looking at DE seriously. After the second one, we weren't ready to jump into DE, but we spent enough time looking at profiles to know we could find a donor we like.

    I'm occasionally sad about not having the chance to pass on some particular genetic trait of mine, but I'm also glad to hopefully not pass along my medical issues that have contributed to IF.

    And really loving our donor makes a huge difference.

    Congrats on 37 weeks - crazy!

  11. Dear Roccie, your perspective is so helpful to me, as I could possibly be mirroring you in a few daughter 100% genetically ours, and potentially a DE scenario. We're not there yet, but it's nice to know there are others out there who are like us. I would feel the same way about that shirt as you do. Hugs.

    P.S. - we have a dog named Rocky - so I feel even more connected to your story :)

  12. That shirt makes me gag. Plus, it looks like Toddlerina is at least 25% frog. Or maybe one of you IS a frog? Anyway, I can hardly wait to meet this amazing kid. He or she is going to be, like, 25% you, 25% rocco, 25% a gift of love, and 25% his or her own damn self.