I'm a dead blog now.
I still have a massive ton to process.
Drop me a note if you care to join me.
It won't be the basics. It'll be managing Todderina's diagnosis. Expanding what special egg means to my preschooler. Making sure my surprise (freak show) baby doesn't feel left out since she was free.
More on my embryo recipient family. My family. Positive parenting.
I could use the company.
Love all day long,
Roccie
Monday, August 8, 2016
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Everything is coming up Rocco
Hi guys.
Baby has a fever. She is napping in her own crib as of yesterday. I therefore would like to proclaim the entire universe as mine. Rockin' that baby not sleeping in my bed with a 2 foot nipple stretched into her mug.
I'm sick too. But everything is coming up Rocco. Huh.
I am sure I tempt fate. I am sure I invite the Gremlins to wreck my fragile victory. I'm still going to talk about it.
Toddlerina is ruling her kingdom with a kind and generous heart.
The children. They fight a little less. The time outs, time ins, quiet moments, slow down times, whatever the fuck I call them this wk. They come less frequently.
I can plop slow moving baby in room with big children and not fear for her safety for up to 7 minutes.
Sticker charts, they reward. Coupons doled out. Prizes, they are claimed.
Oh yeah.
I read Jay the donor egg book finally. Toddlerina, er, Kindergartenina, was listening in. She heard Jaybird was from an egg. She started screaming and calling him an alien.
He was delighted.
Baby has a fever. She is napping in her own crib as of yesterday. I therefore would like to proclaim the entire universe as mine. Rockin' that baby not sleeping in my bed with a 2 foot nipple stretched into her mug.
I'm sick too. But everything is coming up Rocco. Huh.
I am sure I tempt fate. I am sure I invite the Gremlins to wreck my fragile victory. I'm still going to talk about it.
Toddlerina is ruling her kingdom with a kind and generous heart.
The children. They fight a little less. The time outs, time ins, quiet moments, slow down times, whatever the fuck I call them this wk. They come less frequently.
I can plop slow moving baby in room with big children and not fear for her safety for up to 7 minutes.
Sticker charts, they reward. Coupons doled out. Prizes, they are claimed.
Oh yeah.
I read Jay the donor egg book finally. Toddlerina, er, Kindergartenina, was listening in. She heard Jaybird was from an egg. She started screaming and calling him an alien.
He was delighted.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Momma of 3 take homes, version 2.0
A little of this, a little of that. Bam. I'm ok.
Turns out I caught the ADD. Who knew?
They tell me many folks who are unable to manage their depression often have undiagnosed ADHD. Yeah, but I'm 43. Well, I'm 44 now but I found out I was actually a year older than I thought I was this fall. There is some lack of attention to detail, not knowing how old you are. Hmm.
I was a big doubter. Hooked me up to an EEG. Did some testing before and after medication. Can you believe I improved in the auditory part by 500%. Eek. It's a wonder I was keeping these kids fed and clean.
My Toddlerina was diagnosed (word I use loosely as she is only 5) with ADHD and ODD. I think it explains a lot where her nickname came. Guess she caught it from me, poor little bird.
We are working hard with her. Feelings coach, occupational therapist, gymnastics and tae kwon do.
If you do anything to help your kids, sprint immediately to the nearest TKD shop and join. It is amazing and I just am head over heels in love with it.
She is doing better but some days I want to run away. I hate the circus but maybe I could join it and get them to change their inhumane ways.
My new baby is a delight. She brings out the very best in Toddlerina. It makes her shine. It was really meant to be this way.
Much love,
Roccie
Turns out I caught the ADD. Who knew?
They tell me many folks who are unable to manage their depression often have undiagnosed ADHD. Yeah, but I'm 43. Well, I'm 44 now but I found out I was actually a year older than I thought I was this fall. There is some lack of attention to detail, not knowing how old you are. Hmm.
I was a big doubter. Hooked me up to an EEG. Did some testing before and after medication. Can you believe I improved in the auditory part by 500%. Eek. It's a wonder I was keeping these kids fed and clean.
My Toddlerina was diagnosed (word I use loosely as she is only 5) with ADHD and ODD. I think it explains a lot where her nickname came. Guess she caught it from me, poor little bird.
We are working hard with her. Feelings coach, occupational therapist, gymnastics and tae kwon do.
If you do anything to help your kids, sprint immediately to the nearest TKD shop and join. It is amazing and I just am head over heels in love with it.
She is doing better but some days I want to run away. I hate the circus but maybe I could join it and get them to change their inhumane ways.
My new baby is a delight. She brings out the very best in Toddlerina. It makes her shine. It was really meant to be this way.
Much love,
Roccie
Sunday, October 26, 2014
PPD. She beckons.
Hi old friends.
How I miss you guys. Planning to jump back into the world of posting, sharing and supporting. I've been gone so long. My heart is heavy thinking of the times you may have needed me but I wasn't there. Or here.
Gotta give to take, right? Make deposits to afford withdrawals. I'm afraid I'm breaking that rule. I could use a little backing right now.
The Blues. I feel them lurking. Ah, shitballs. No autocorrect I don't mean spitballs. I mean fuck. I got not time for the post partum depression.
Haven't told Rocco yet. Apprehensive. Not a good sign, huh? Probably all the more reason I need to open up. Maybe next week.
How you been. Give me a one sentence update please if you're still here? I'm so very overwhelmed by my Giant Unread Reader Feed. Tell me what I can do for you to make it up to you.
Much love,
Roccie
Mother of a five month old
Mother of a almost 3 year old
Mother of a 5 year old
Mother to Mannie who is gone
How I miss you guys. Planning to jump back into the world of posting, sharing and supporting. I've been gone so long. My heart is heavy thinking of the times you may have needed me but I wasn't there. Or here.
Gotta give to take, right? Make deposits to afford withdrawals. I'm afraid I'm breaking that rule. I could use a little backing right now.
The Blues. I feel them lurking. Ah, shitballs. No autocorrect I don't mean spitballs. I mean fuck. I got not time for the post partum depression.
Haven't told Rocco yet. Apprehensive. Not a good sign, huh? Probably all the more reason I need to open up. Maybe next week.
How you been. Give me a one sentence update please if you're still here? I'm so very overwhelmed by my Giant Unread Reader Feed. Tell me what I can do for you to make it up to you.
Much love,
Roccie
Mother of a five month old
Mother of a almost 3 year old
Mother of a 5 year old
Mother to Mannie who is gone
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Safe. Take home complete.
Welcome home baby!
All is well. We had a baby girl. She is just right. She may be perfect.
I'm typing w one hand.
She looks like Jay, our DE baby. Ha! Oh, the humor of it all.
Everything is fabulously hard work. I am delightfully exhausted.
I see less blowouts with cloth diapers.
I worked with a post partum doula and she was freakishly magnificent. My milk came in 3 days compared to the IVF and DE 5-6 days.
Bowls of pasta warmed 30 seconds to room temperature makes a good breakfast.
The Bigs are great with her. They love on her a little hard, but they're learning.
She was 6 1/2 pounds where my others were 8ish. Tiny love.
Who knew.
All is well. We had a baby girl. She is just right. She may be perfect.
I'm typing w one hand.
She looks like Jay, our DE baby. Ha! Oh, the humor of it all.
Everything is fabulously hard work. I am delightfully exhausted.
I see less blowouts with cloth diapers.
I worked with a post partum doula and she was freakishly magnificent. My milk came in 3 days compared to the IVF and DE 5-6 days.
Bowls of pasta warmed 30 seconds to room temperature makes a good breakfast.
The Bigs are great with her. They love on her a little hard, but they're learning.
She was 6 1/2 pounds where my others were 8ish. Tiny love.
Who knew.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Greetings from a waiting crib
Gah. I have my heart outside my body and stapled to my knees. If I fall, it will hurt. I feel so exposed, pumping my blood externally and shit. Hopefully two more weeks and this baby comes home.
I came out on FB about the baby. Mixed feelings about the whole thing. I feel like a dick for doing it but I think the only thing worse would have been baby pictures showing up like little bombs to the heart. Maybe.
At least I look like a wildebeast in the picture. Send me a friend request and zoom in on my roots. It's good for a laugh. Leah keeps asking why I have a skunk stripe. Oh, isn't she darling.
I came out on FB about the baby. Mixed feelings about the whole thing. I feel like a dick for doing it but I think the only thing worse would have been baby pictures showing up like little bombs to the heart. Maybe.
At least I look like a wildebeast in the picture. Send me a friend request and zoom in on my roots. It's good for a laugh. Leah keeps asking why I have a skunk stripe. Oh, isn't she darling.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
IVF, Donor egg and Freak of Nature Babies
My friends all call this pregnancy a "normal" one. I usually correct them with a honest laugh, tell them that we Infertiles prefer the term "Unassisted". I guess "Spontaneous" works, but sounds too clinical and I don't think this stuff happens without science or God.
Uncomfortable with that last sentence but I'll leave it for now.
Everything is going well. Lots of movement. Can't think of a girl name. Boys name is set. Need to get Jay out of the crib. Not worried anymore. I have not graduated to some higher plane of faith, I just don't have the time to worry like I used to.
Shame really. I am an exceptional worrier.
I fired my OB office for not offering the Harmony, Maternit21 or other type test. Fuckers. I had to find it online myself.
You're fired. CVS/Amnio-pushing fuckers.
Leah asked me why I had a white stripe on my head. I'm so close to delivery that I am doling out my hair coloring to make it to mid May. How is that for shallow. I think I tracked the first take home baby by comparing him/her to fruit sizes. This one's arrival is tracked by how many times I can get my roots done.
Spare time is delightful. I hate to spend it in a chair.
Miss you guys.
Uncomfortable with that last sentence but I'll leave it for now.
Everything is going well. Lots of movement. Can't think of a girl name. Boys name is set. Need to get Jay out of the crib. Not worried anymore. I have not graduated to some higher plane of faith, I just don't have the time to worry like I used to.
Shame really. I am an exceptional worrier.
I fired my OB office for not offering the Harmony, Maternit21 or other type test. Fuckers. I had to find it online myself.
You're fired. CVS/Amnio-pushing fuckers.
Leah asked me why I had a white stripe on my head. I'm so close to delivery that I am doling out my hair coloring to make it to mid May. How is that for shallow. I think I tracked the first take home baby by comparing him/her to fruit sizes. This one's arrival is tracked by how many times I can get my roots done.
Spare time is delightful. I hate to spend it in a chair.
Miss you guys.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Somebody else's baby
Our recipient family is heading in for a Caesarian in a couple hours.
She has been in the hospital all week trying to induce as naturally as possible, but her due date has come and gone. They are going in to get him.
I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to hear it. I told Jay his brother would be born today. It didn't feel right. But it is his brother. And it's not. So very heavy.
I'm excited and kind of scared. I think I'm all good with this but I can always lean on my "hide from feed" button.
Shoulda been my baby.
Makes no sense. I know.
But it shoulda.
She has been in the hospital all week trying to induce as naturally as possible, but her due date has come and gone. They are going in to get him.
I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to hear it. I told Jay his brother would be born today. It didn't feel right. But it is his brother. And it's not. So very heavy.
I'm excited and kind of scared. I think I'm all good with this but I can always lean on my "hide from feed" button.
Shoulda been my baby.
Makes no sense. I know.
But it shoulda.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Typical chromosomes.
Rocco and I talked about babies a million years ago, before we got on the IF train ride through the jungle. We agreed that we would welcome a baby if s/he had Down Syndrome. Of course we would.
Then it became a very real chance of becoming a part of our lives.
What had we signed up for.
Hours, days, google searches, board binging, blog binging. I walked with the families who have a member with Down Syndrome.
I am ashamed to admit I was afraid of what I would find. How it would make me feel.
My last post did not represent coming to terms with Down Syndrome. I made it look easy. Cut and dry. Simple. It wasn't that easy. There were a lot of big scary rocks I had to look under. Heart surgeries. OPEN heart surgeries. It was terrifying.
These families put it all in perspective. Law love the internet. I was able to read about diagnoses, both before and at birth. Parents took it in stride, parents reeled, parents processed. It was magnificent to see family after family arrive at the same place. One of my favorite bloggers tags her posts on the bulletin board with facts about all three of her kids - left handed, curly haired, and T21. Fact, fact, fact.
Not "normal" chromosomes. Typical.
No Trisomy 18.
No Down Syndrome.
Then it became a very real chance of becoming a part of our lives.
What had we signed up for.
Hours, days, google searches, board binging, blog binging. I walked with the families who have a member with Down Syndrome.
I am ashamed to admit I was afraid of what I would find. How it would make me feel.
My last post did not represent coming to terms with Down Syndrome. I made it look easy. Cut and dry. Simple. It wasn't that easy. There were a lot of big scary rocks I had to look under. Heart surgeries. OPEN heart surgeries. It was terrifying.
These families put it all in perspective. Law love the internet. I was able to read about diagnoses, both before and at birth. Parents took it in stride, parents reeled, parents processed. It was magnificent to see family after family arrive at the same place. One of my favorite bloggers tags her posts on the bulletin board with facts about all three of her kids - left handed, curly haired, and T21. Fact, fact, fact.
Not "normal" chromosomes. Typical.
No Trisomy 18.
No Down Syndrome.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
My family and the 21st chromosome
We chose not to move forward with the cvs yesterday. We submitted a blood sample to Maternit21. Results back in about 10 days.
I am 14 wks, but the baby measured at 15 wks yesterday. The geneticist felt this was a good reason to conclude our risk for Trisomy 18 was, in fact, probably less than 1/27.
I love geneticists. Love them. So wise and kind and sensitive. She followed our lead that the diagnosis of Down Syndrome was not worth jeopardizing our pregnancy. It will not be designated as bad news should s/he have an extra chromosome in 21. It will just be part of who the child is. Just like Jay is donor egg, he's still my guy. This baby still wants love more than anything else.
The size of the baby does not impact our potential to have a baby with Ds (Down Syndrome, for those in the know). The u/s produced a nasal bone that was not present previously. Still just another fact. Not a clear indicator of the number of chromosomes hanging out in location 21.
I am downright JOYOUS to write off Trisomy 18. Yeah, I know it's not totally eradicated but I'm saying it is.
I found another tribe of Mommas. The Ds Mommas. You should see the way that they care for each other and any family interested in learning their ways. I know I'll never be alone or want for support if I needed it. Mommas are amazing. Amazing.
The so-called Momma Wars don't exist in my world. I got you guys. I got them. You all have me. I am blessed beyond measure, yay though I kinda cringe at that word. Lucky. Grateful. So very grateful.
Thanks for your support. Tell me what I can do for you.
I am 14 wks, but the baby measured at 15 wks yesterday. The geneticist felt this was a good reason to conclude our risk for Trisomy 18 was, in fact, probably less than 1/27.
I love geneticists. Love them. So wise and kind and sensitive. She followed our lead that the diagnosis of Down Syndrome was not worth jeopardizing our pregnancy. It will not be designated as bad news should s/he have an extra chromosome in 21. It will just be part of who the child is. Just like Jay is donor egg, he's still my guy. This baby still wants love more than anything else.
The size of the baby does not impact our potential to have a baby with Ds (Down Syndrome, for those in the know). The u/s produced a nasal bone that was not present previously. Still just another fact. Not a clear indicator of the number of chromosomes hanging out in location 21.
I am downright JOYOUS to write off Trisomy 18. Yeah, I know it's not totally eradicated but I'm saying it is.
I found another tribe of Mommas. The Ds Mommas. You should see the way that they care for each other and any family interested in learning their ways. I know I'll never be alone or want for support if I needed it. Mommas are amazing. Amazing.
The so-called Momma Wars don't exist in my world. I got you guys. I got them. You all have me. I am blessed beyond measure, yay though I kinda cringe at that word. Lucky. Grateful. So very grateful.
Thanks for your support. Tell me what I can do for you.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Considering invasive testing
We got the call that we are at increased chances of our baby having Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18.
Our original ratios for my age were 1/62, changed to 1/6 for Down Syndrome. It was 1/115, changed to 1/27 for Trisomy 18.
Down Sydrome. Not Down's Syndrome. We can do this.
Trisomy 18. Failure to thrive. I don't know if I can go here.
Last time I did this, I lost 2 jobs. Long term disability. Lost the fucking plot. I don't know how I could carry but I don't know how I could not carry either.
Considering CVS.
Our original ratios for my age were 1/62, changed to 1/6 for Down Syndrome. It was 1/115, changed to 1/27 for Trisomy 18.
Down Sydrome. Not Down's Syndrome. We can do this.
Trisomy 18. Failure to thrive. I don't know if I can go here.
Last time I did this, I lost 2 jobs. Long term disability. Lost the fucking plot. I don't know how I could carry but I don't know how I could not carry either.
Considering CVS.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Roger that.
Any chance you saw Gravity? (Not a spoiler.)
I like how she learned to say "Roger that" when she fully expected a response, but didn't get one. She carried on like she had heard the words she wanted to hear.
I belted this out in the car a couple weeks ago when I was riding high on the confidence of vomit in my toilet. I heard the acoustic version on the way to the appointment this morning.
We are all good. Heartbeat found.
I like how she learned to say "Roger that" when she fully expected a response, but didn't get one. She carried on like she had heard the words she wanted to hear.
I belted this out in the car a couple weeks ago when I was riding high on the confidence of vomit in my toilet. I heard the acoustic version on the way to the appointment this morning.
We are all good. Heartbeat found.
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of God's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
Of God's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
With love, with patience and with faith
Her Momma will make her way
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Tomorrow, we ride.
Out of context? Maybe.
Self indulgent post.
I have been curbing my thoughts on tomorrow's doctor appointment for weeks. Fucking WEEKS. Today has been a little harder.
Dumping a little free form, free skate here to try to shake the Boogey Man off my tail.
I think my belly is too small. Shouldn't it be bigger by now. Harder.
Maybe I am not peeing with quite the urgency I once enjoyed throughout the night.
Why don't I throw up any longer.
My personal list of how to tell you are no longer pregnant. Damn. Now that will bring likeminded suffering mommas to this site and all they will find is my ramble. Damn you search engine. You need a "quality filter".
Even when I am pregnant like a Fertile (carrying a primitive, sex-made baby), I cannot relax and enjoy the ride like a Fertile.
Self indulgent post.
I have been curbing my thoughts on tomorrow's doctor appointment for weeks. Fucking WEEKS. Today has been a little harder.
Dumping a little free form, free skate here to try to shake the Boogey Man off my tail.
I think my belly is too small. Shouldn't it be bigger by now. Harder.
Maybe I am not peeing with quite the urgency I once enjoyed throughout the night.
Why don't I throw up any longer.
My personal list of how to tell you are no longer pregnant. Damn. Now that will bring likeminded suffering mommas to this site and all they will find is my ramble. Damn you search engine. You need a "quality filter".
Even when I am pregnant like a Fertile (carrying a primitive, sex-made baby), I cannot relax and enjoy the ride like a Fertile.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Whims
I bought and ate from my own personal pumpkin pie today. Twice.
I ran the Chinese gender chart.
According to ancient traditions and the zits on my chin, it's a girl.
I ran the Chinese gender chart.
According to ancient traditions and the zits on my chin, it's a girl.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Life without my Crazy Meds
Dammit, I love me some crazy meds.
And just like that, we shut them all down. Three of them. High doses. Well, according to the OB's panic in her face they were freakishly high, but I will not allow myself to speak for her.
Rar. I am a real fucking joy to live with right now. Heaven help the poor bastard that unwisely chooses to splash in my bathtub.
Anxiety? Me? 25 days until next u/s. Might was well be next year.
Whatever took Mannie, the one-chance-in-several-million, rears it's head again. It spooks me with my increased chances of several-chances-in-several-million. These are my rough numbers, not the official ones from the genetic counselors. Maternal Fetal Medicine is at my disposal should I want to pick those scabs. Benefits of BLM. Huh.
And they took my zit medicine too. It really just might be a tumor today.
And just like that, we shut them all down. Three of them. High doses. Well, according to the OB's panic in her face they were freakishly high, but I will not allow myself to speak for her.
Rar. I am a real fucking joy to live with right now. Heaven help the poor bastard that unwisely chooses to splash in my bathtub.
Anxiety? Me? 25 days until next u/s. Might was well be next year.
Whatever took Mannie, the one-chance-in-several-million, rears it's head again. It spooks me with my increased chances of several-chances-in-several-million. These are my rough numbers, not the official ones from the genetic counselors. Maternal Fetal Medicine is at my disposal should I want to pick those scabs. Benefits of BLM. Huh.
And they took my zit medicine too. It really just might be a tumor today.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
My other update
Just unloading here. Sigh. It looks like my guy Huck has cancer.
He's in surgery today, biopsy to follow.
Thyroid cancer. Quite rare in dogs, accounting for less than 2% of tumors. Very aggressive.
Jay is learning his body parts. I hear his voice say, "Eye. Eye." I look down and Jay's fat little finger is jammed under Huck's eyelid, up to the end of Jay's finger. Good boy, Huck. Just stood there serving as an eye model for his brother.
Children before the children. Only you guys get what these animals mean to us. Hard to get understanding on this side of the keyboard.
Just a dog. Yeah, sort of.
He's in surgery today, biopsy to follow.
Thyroid cancer. Quite rare in dogs, accounting for less than 2% of tumors. Very aggressive.
Jay is learning his body parts. I hear his voice say, "Eye. Eye." I look down and Jay's fat little finger is jammed under Huck's eyelid, up to the end of Jay's finger. Good boy, Huck. Just stood there serving as an eye model for his brother.
Children before the children. Only you guys get what these animals mean to us. Hard to get understanding on this side of the keyboard.
Just a dog. Yeah, sort of.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Carry on, Warrior.
Looks like we are just past 8 1/2 weeks.
Normal heart rate, which I heard over the speakers this morning. I saw the little figure before I saw the heartbeat and panicked, but she found it quickly.
I have taken 3 pregnancy tests since we last spoke.
ps - Title homage to Glennon Melton, my favorite. Please enjoy her with me here.
Normal heart rate, which I heard over the speakers this morning. I saw the little figure before I saw the heartbeat and panicked, but she found it quickly.
I have taken 3 pregnancy tests since we last spoke.
ps - Title homage to Glennon Melton, my favorite. Please enjoy her with me here.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Am I one of Them now?
Longest couple days I ever had in a long time.
We are 6 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, measuring accurately to a made-up last menstrual date, with a normal heart rate.
I am beyond grateful.
Really don't understand how we ended up here. Rocco has half dead, crap sperm that swims sideways, while I enjoy diminished ovarian reserve. Even on $5000 worth of stims, I could not generate more than one egg.
It doesn't seem real to me yet.
Your ever loving urban legend,
Roccie
We are 6 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, measuring accurately to a made-up last menstrual date, with a normal heart rate.
I am beyond grateful.
Really don't understand how we ended up here. Rocco has half dead, crap sperm that swims sideways, while I enjoy diminished ovarian reserve. Even on $5000 worth of stims, I could not generate more than one egg.
It doesn't seem real to me yet.
Your ever loving urban legend,
Roccie
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Not much information yet
I am an Infertile. This doesn't happen. Plus I am 42, hell, I am almost 43.
I have no idea what is going on. All the forms for my new OB (I am following Dr. Glenda the Good Witch to her new practice) keep asking for my last period date. Who knows? Who cares? Who tracks that sort of thing when it just doesn't matter?
There is a near 50% chance of miscarriage at the age of 42. Funny, that is the exact number the article used to delineate when the Shit Show really kicks in.
I am going in tomorrow for an ultrasound. Hopefully they will be able to find a fetal pole. I haven't even allowed myself to hope for a heart beat. Plus I think it is too early - isn't that at 8 wks? Cannot remember.
I spent MONTHS accepting the fact we were to be a two child family. It was the hardest thing about donating my embryos, knowing I was shutting the door on any chance of ever having another child.
My embryo recipient family is also pregnant. 24 weeks. Sorry I forgot to announce that - I was filled with happiness, no regret or sadness. Whew. It is her family.
Think of me tomorrow, will you?
I have no idea what is going on. All the forms for my new OB (I am following Dr. Glenda the Good Witch to her new practice) keep asking for my last period date. Who knows? Who cares? Who tracks that sort of thing when it just doesn't matter?
There is a near 50% chance of miscarriage at the age of 42. Funny, that is the exact number the article used to delineate when the Shit Show really kicks in.
I am going in tomorrow for an ultrasound. Hopefully they will be able to find a fetal pole. I haven't even allowed myself to hope for a heart beat. Plus I think it is too early - isn't that at 8 wks? Cannot remember.
I spent MONTHS accepting the fact we were to be a two child family. It was the hardest thing about donating my embryos, knowing I was shutting the door on any chance of ever having another child.
My embryo recipient family is also pregnant. 24 weeks. Sorry I forgot to announce that - I was filled with happiness, no regret or sadness. Whew. It is her family.
Think of me tomorrow, will you?
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