(Please don't read me if you are in a rough spot meeting your Take Home Baby. This might smell a little like ingratitude. I promise it isn't intended this way, but I remember my desperate times. Words like these would make me want to punch someone.)
Sleep. My love.
Husband? Sure, he is ok, but I would much rather take a nap with my true love, Sleep. I find in the growing complexities of toddler management and making this baby, Rocco slips down the list more with each passing day. Bless his heart.
I remember this place. You think delivery will bring you all the comforts of sleep. Then the baby shows up and you would give anything for one more night of baby-in-the-tummy cause sleep is ANNIHILATED when a little one shows up.
All my love and support to all the new Mommas out there struggling with the dream come true.
This fantasy is some hard ass work, isn't it?
It doesn't mean you still wouldn't sell your sibling for a child of your own. You and I have bled from our bones for these babies.
Needing a lot of support doesn't diminish our love for the babies, these babies who are here with us or those babies who were taken too soon. It doesn't mean we are not the Super Moms we imagined.
Although I lost 6 pregnancies and took 8 years to have my take-home baby, there were times in the early days after his birth when I wondered why on earth I thought I wanted one in the first place. I was sleep-deprived to the point of insanity, in a lot of pain, terrified of the responsibility and utterly out of my depth. I was scared that I had made a terrible mistake but couldn't ask for help because "I'd got what I wanted". Everybody kept saying "you must be SO happy" and that just made things worse - the guilt at NOT being ecstatic was enormous. Luckily, my sister & my best friend realised what was going on & told me what I felt was quite normal. With a bit of time, rest & support I came to feel that joy and absolute love. It's still the hardest job in the world though!
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister. (And thank you for this post). The fantasy IS hard ass work. Worth it. So worth it. But tough.
ReplyDeleteYour post made me cry. Thank you for your words of empathy. Motherhood is a lonely place to be. I am swimming alone at 3:00 am with leaky breasts. I never thought this stage would be so isolating.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite quotes is. "Sometimes true adventures are actually no fun while they are happening."
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to say the whole time they are no fun. But man, there are times that are so hard and make you wonder...
I have had ONE night (it was actually last night) of full sleep, and I woke up anyway to pee, since February. I'm fucking tired. I'm even to tired to complain about it lately.
I can't wait to see your peanut. Please treat us to a pic when he/she arrives.
Bled from our bones, indeed. Great post. Wishing you can get a little shut eye before the new one arrives : )
ReplyDeleteMo
Thank you for stopping by to give me support. It meant a lot.
ReplyDeleteAh yes. I love sleep, too. I miss it dearly, but as you said, it is so worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou're getting so close! I am so happy for you...for all of you!
Amen. And a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteI've already pledged that my baby gift to anyone in the future is going to be my watching the baby for a couple of hours so the parents can have an uninterrupted nap. To hell with onesies and blankets. Sleep was what I wanted the most in those first 6 weeks. Wish I lived close enough to you that I could offer to snuggle your little ones while you slept!
I'll be so interested to see you navigate these new waters. I'm hoping you get an easy baby. They do exist!
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