Roccie Road: Not much information yet

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Not much information yet

I am an Infertile. This doesn't happen. Plus I am 42, hell, I am almost 43.

I have no idea what is going on. All the forms for my new OB (I am following Dr. Glenda the Good Witch to her new practice) keep asking for my last period date. Who knows? Who cares? Who tracks that sort of thing when it just doesn't matter?

There is a near 50% chance of miscarriage at the age of 42. Funny, that is the exact number the article used to delineate when the Shit Show really kicks in.

I am going in tomorrow for an ultrasound. Hopefully they will be able to find a fetal pole. I haven't even allowed myself to hope for a heart beat. Plus I think it is too early - isn't that at 8 wks? Cannot remember.

I spent MONTHS accepting the fact we were to be a two child family. It was the hardest thing about donating my embryos, knowing I was shutting the door on any chance of ever having another child.

My embryo recipient family is also pregnant. 24 weeks. Sorry I forgot to announce that - I was filled with happiness, no regret or sadness. Whew. It is her family.

Think of me tomorrow, will you?

14 comments:

MarySeptember 26, 2013 at 8:17 AM
Sending positive thoughts!
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dspenceSeptember 26, 2013 at 8:24 AM
So glad for another update. Praying for peace and health. And congrats on the recipient family! How exciting!!
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AnonymousSeptember 26, 2013 at 8:28 AM
Will be thinking of you! This happens to the best (and worst) of us urban legends.
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gwinneSeptember 26, 2013 at 8:29 AM
My RE was a firm believer in the spontaneous pregnancy after (multiple) failed IVFs.

Glass full, Roccie. Glass full.

Wishing you the best tomorrow. Heartbeat and fetal pole both in the 6 week era.
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AnonymousSeptember 26, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Oh Roccie wishing and hoping for the best tomorrow (I have had THREE spontaneous pregnancies after our fertility treatments and first 2 kids, one a loss, one my 17 month old and one my current pregnancy. Our issue was/is male factor.)

Fetal pole starts at 6 wks, HB between 6-7 wks. I usually saw a HB around 6-6.5 wks. Hope that helps!

Kel
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LisaSeptember 26, 2013 at 8:57 AM
This is the craziest shit ever, girl! I am still in shock.

I've seen a HB at 6 weeks both time but the first time, it was VERY hard to find. In some cases, can take up to 7 weeks.

So listen... try to be zen and think positive positive thoughts. I'm right here along side you on this one and sending you every positive thought I've got.

Can't wait for an update. You got this.

xoxoxo
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MichaelaSeptember 26, 2013 at 9:13 AM
Best of luck tomorrow!
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ASPSeptember 26, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Holy shit.
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GurleeSeptember 26, 2013 at 11:23 AM
Done. Thinking of you. Wishing, hoping & praying.

Oh, and looking to you as inspiration.
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rebeccaSeptember 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM
Absolutely thinking of you Roccie!! Sending hope, love and thoughts! Also congrats on your recipient families good news, that's fantastic!!
Stay strong and know we're all here to support you regardless of the outcome
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StacieSeptember 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Sending you all my love and bet wished for tomorrow!
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My VegasSeptember 26, 2013 at 1:29 PM
URBAN LEGEND! IT CONTINUES TO LIVE ON!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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AnonymousSeptember 26, 2013 at 1:50 PM
wow! i will be thinking of you! good luck!
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AugustaSeptember 26, 2013 at 4:39 PM
Congrats, dear woman. And WOW. WOOOOOOWWWW!!
I am and I will be thinking of you. I hope it goes very well.
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Well, how did I get here?

- Pull goalie.

- Dark Ages. A stillborn loss I don't talk about much here. I lost the plot for a while.

- Try, try, try for 1 year. Welcome to the world of IVF. Do not pass IUI. Go directly to ICSI.

- Full Cycle, Round 1 - Hurrah, we have insurance! No baby. Nothing to freeze.

- Full Cycle, Round 2 - How the hell did we burn through $25k of insurance coverage? Self-pay. Change to microdose Lupron. Baby girl home: healthy, happy.

- Frozen, Round 1 - Have one, transfer one. BFP. All three beta levels look good. First u/s doesn't show a fetal pole. Second u/s never finds heart beat. Miscarriage completed with medication.

- Try for Full Cycle, Round 3 - Poor response with only 2 follicles after microdose Lupron, increased from 350 to 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur. Convert to IUI. Lame counts, 15 million. BFN.

- Canceled The Final Full Cycle after estrogen priming with Ganirelix the month prior to retrieval. Starting at 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur. One follicle measured at final u/s. BFN.

- Crap. Diminished ovarian reserve at 39.

- Transfer one beautiful blastocyst from a donor egg. BFN. What. But this is DE, right??? BFN.

- DE FET canceled due to a cyst in January. Lots of Lupron for no good reason. We tried again for the FET in February. Another cyst. Finally cyst free and set for March. 50%-50% chance of pregnancy.

- BFP and a heartbeat followed by Giant SCH Scare the very next day. Last bleed was at 13 wks.

- Added marginal placenta previa to the mix at the 20 week level II ultrasound. Gah. A follow up appointment four weeks later shows the PP gone and the uterus growth resolved the issue.

- Welcome Baby Jay at 39+ weeks via scheduled repeat c-section. A boy. A boy!!

- Considering the future of our frozen embryos. Letting "Party of Four" sink in.

- Starting the process to find a family for our remaining embryos. Feeling perfect about it. UPDATE. That was a total lie. I am freaking the fuck out. UPDATE. I got this. UPDATE. Total melt down. FINAL UPDATE. Recovered, with a tender heart.

- Find a magnificent family to accept our remaining embryos. She is pregnant, first try. Joy.

- For the love of all that is holy, I am pregnant. We made this baby like animals. No RE involved.

- Explore the possibilities of Down Syndrome. Find a beautiful community fiercely dedicated to their children. We are prepared to welcome home a baby with Down Syndrome, but it was not meant to be us.

Welcome to my family: one from my old eggs and one from a donor. A bonus from my very old eggs and the Two Backed Monster. Irrelevant, huh? Joy.