Our recipient family is heading in for a Caesarian in a couple hours.
She has been in the hospital all week trying to induce as naturally as possible, but her due date has come and gone. They are going in to get him.
I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to hear it. I told Jay his brother would be born today. It didn't feel right. But it is his brother. And it's not. So very heavy.
I'm excited and kind of scared. I think I'm all good with this but I can always lean on my "hide from feed" button.
Shoulda been my baby.
Makes no sense. I know.
But it shoulda.
Hugs Roccie. Been thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteKel
My heart is with you, dear. It makes all kinds of sense. New lives, new territory. So much of your love and life went into all things Jay, and having an extension of that out there, outside of you, is all kinds of confusing emotionally. Hoping for a healthy start and healthy new mama.
ReplyDeleteUgh. As a recipient, I actually get what you are saying. I find myself thinking of our donor couple and wondering... if they knew... would they regret it? Makes for a heavy heart at times. Hoping that peace finds you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are understandable.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) completely understandable feelings. As a recipient couple I often think about how our donor family must feel when we share news with them, as you said so heavy some of those moments. Sending lots of love your way
ReplyDeletenot sure what would be helpful here. Just wanted you to know that I hold you in my thoughts, dear Roccie, and sending love your way. Take good care of that big, infinitely vast heart of yours.
ReplyDeleteMakes sense, all of it. What you are doing is saving those people from one more minute without their little joy. Remember that. It's not your Jay -- you have him. It's another gift for someone else, from the process that brought you your sweet guy. And what a gift you have given. You definitely have this.
ReplyDeleteHugs. You are a wonderful woman, Roccie.
ReplyDeleteAgh Roccie. This has to be so hard. Sending hugs your way. Xoxoxo.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Roccie. Makes sense to me. Doesn't change that it was an amazing, generous, thing to do. I like Good Egg Hatched's comment.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the parts of this that make your heart hurt. It seems like the kind of incredibly complicated thing that you have to be all good with and not all good with, simultaneously, maybe forever. I hope the should have been your baby is healthy and surrounded by love.
ReplyDelete