Roccie Road: Small sacrifice

Mother's Day. Always a mixed emotion day.

Going out in style - coffee and mimosas in bed, followed by caffeine withdrawal and sour looks at husband if he thinks he can drink in front of me.

Well, how did I get here?

- Pull goalie.

- Dark Ages. A stillborn loss I don't talk about much here. I lost the plot for a while.

- Try, try, try for 1 year. Welcome to the world of IVF. Do not pass IUI. Go directly to ICSI.

- Full Cycle, Round 1 - Hurrah, we have insurance! No baby. Nothing to freeze.

- Full Cycle, Round 2 - How the hell did we burn through $25k of insurance coverage? Self-pay. Change to microdose Lupron. Baby girl home: healthy, happy.

- Frozen, Round 1 - Have one, transfer one. BFP. All three beta levels look good. First u/s doesn't show a fetal pole. Second u/s never finds heart beat. Miscarriage completed with medication.

- Try for Full Cycle, Round 3 - Poor response with only 2 follicles after microdose Lupron, increased from 350 to 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur. Convert to IUI. Lame counts, 15 million. BFN.

- Canceled The Final Full Cycle after estrogen priming with Ganirelix the month prior to retrieval. Starting at 450 Follistim and 150 Menopur. One follicle measured at final u/s. BFN.

- Crap. Diminished ovarian reserve at 39.

- Transfer one beautiful blastocyst from a donor egg. BFN. What. But this is DE, right??? BFN.

- DE FET canceled due to a cyst in January. Lots of Lupron for no good reason. We tried again for the FET in February. Another cyst. Finally cyst free and set for March. 50%-50% chance of pregnancy.

- BFP and a heartbeat followed by Giant SCH Scare the very next day. Last bleed was at 13 wks.

- Added marginal placenta previa to the mix at the 20 week level II ultrasound. Gah. A follow up appointment four weeks later shows the PP gone and the uterus growth resolved the issue.

- Welcome Baby Jay at 39+ weeks via scheduled repeat c-section. A boy. A boy!!

- Considering the future of our frozen embryos. Letting "Party of Four" sink in.

- Starting the process to find a family for our remaining embryos. Feeling perfect about it. UPDATE. That was a total lie. I am freaking the fuck out. UPDATE. I got this. UPDATE. Total melt down. FINAL UPDATE. Recovered, with a tender heart.

- Find a magnificent family to accept our remaining embryos. She is pregnant, first try. Joy.

- For the love of all that is holy, I am pregnant. We made this baby like animals. No RE involved.

- Explore the possibilities of Down Syndrome. Find a beautiful community fiercely dedicated to their children. We are prepared to welcome home a baby with Down Syndrome, but it was not meant to be us.

Welcome to my family: one from my old eggs and one from a donor. A bonus from my very old eggs and the Two Backed Monster. Irrelevant, huh? Joy.

Roccie Road

Friday, May 7, 2010

Small sacrifice

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