Thursday, October 25, 2012

Request a refund for my donor egg worry

The scene was a play date.  It came up and I was telling it before I knew it. 

Easy.  The Donor Egg Reveal.

Other play date Momma asked some good questions.  We are close enough she could even ask the Springer style ones.  I laughed and remembered thinking that part was strange too.  Hard to remember how it is the first time you hear it all.

We had to leave early.  Leah hit Momma and that is a no no.  Not to mention really embarrassing.  Sigh.

I got a text from my Momma friend later with the last line thanking me for sharing my story about Jay.  Told me he is one special guy.

If I could get back a FRACTION of the energy I spent worrying my way through donor eggs.... ah, the wisdom we all acquire just a few minutes too late.


  1. I'm not worried about doing donor eggs except for being able to afford it and having it work.

  2. I find it coming up at the oddest times--my policy (almost 8 years after the fact) is to tell when it arises naturally from a question or conversational topic, when failing to reveal would feel somehow like lying, and/or when I feel it would serve educational purposes. There are other mothers to whom I feel quite close but who don't know, and mere acquaintances who know many details. Just came up yesterday, in fact, after probably close to a year of not discussing it with anyone new. The context was chitchat with two (female) neighbors about a relative of theirs with fertility problems, multiple IVF's, etc. I think I brought it up because, from the sound of it, the relative was considering donor egg but feeling very alone, and the neighbors seemed a little sketchy on the mechanics of it all. Figured I could give up some info, as well as an offer to talk/email with the relative if she wanted to discuss it with someone who'd been there before.

  3. SIGH! How lovely. All kinds of things are hard from the outside. But as right as it feels now, it still took enormous courage to make that leap.

  4. Can I buy your feelings of security and confidence from you? Or just borrow them for a day or two?
    I'm going to try very hard to be less anxious, but holy shit it's hard. I thought getting here was hard, but believing I will stay here is the hardest.

  5. Very, very glad. And, yes, the time we spend worrying over stuff that - in the end - is not so very least not ultimately so. Amazing.

  6. I get it. I used to worry about doing IVF period -- thought it somehow made me less of a woman. Of course now I realize it made me more.

  7. I'm not quite where you are yet in terms of equanimity w/ DE, though I aspire to be. But just a couple of weeks ago I casually tossed it out w/ an ease and comfort that surprised me. So the evolution continues. As my twins turn into people (now 13 mths old) it becomes simultaneously sadder to me that I don't have the genetic connections, and more miraculous to me that I could even fathom two beings other than the fascinating perfect creatures I have. Clearly these are MY babies, and I am their mother, regardless of the eggs. But still, I'm a work in progress. Thanks for giving me a goal. :-)

  8. thanks for sharing.

  9. Wish I could have this peace of mind.. I'm working on it.