Hate to be all Us and Them, but she isn't on the inside, well the DE inside anyhow.
I had my first appointment with the therapist after her maternity leave. Comments about her baby's blue eyes underlined with both she and her husband have blue eyes. Hmm. There goes donor theory.
Then she says they want another. I wait for reference for the number on ice, but she says she "wants to rescue a child from the planet" and adopt her next child.
What the fuck does that mean.
Mommas, can you weigh in and help me digest this one? I can't tell if I am happy for her optimism or if she is a dick who has no idea what adoption can mean.
Your thoughts?
A dick who has no idea what adoption can mean!
ReplyDeleteI am an adoptive parent in waiting and I have no doubt in my mind that the one that will be rescued is me!
I cannot wait until your family is all together under one roof Momma.
Delete"the one who will be rescued is me"
Deletewept.
ain't it the truth! i truly believe my girls rescued me times 1000,
also, she's a dick.
Oh and let's add self-righteous and self-important to her dickiness!
ReplyDeleteI dunno...what the F? You'd think as a therapist she'd be a bit more careful with her words.
ReplyDeleteUnless she was being facetious and was trying to be all Angelie Jolie-ish.
As an infertility outsider, I don't think she meant any harm in her comment. Usually, when I think about adoption, I think of giving a child a better life than they would have been able to have otherwise. In essence, "saving them". Seeing your reaction, and the other comment that I read, helps me see how things could be perceived differently.
ReplyDeleteNot touching that one with a ten foot pole!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is something almost colonialist in the zeitgeist about first world adoption. I hate it. I'm sure your therapist is a wonderful, big hearted person, but that attitude makes me a bit ill. I like what Michaela said - that she has as much or more to gain from the adoption.
ReplyDeleteI just heard something similar from Sarah Silverman who is just over 40 and when asked if she wants to have a kid said she doesn't understand how the same people that push rescue dogs for adoption over breeder dogs don't understand why there are millions of orphans without homes and don't see a need to rescue them. Now she is of means and will have no trouble adopting just like Rosie, Madonna, and Angelina so she isn't going to see there are other perspectives.
ReplyDeleteThere's not as many perspectives as there are people, but there are enough and enough passion behind them that it is often a wtf, or a wya (new one - where's your awareness?)
All I have to say is "UGH!".
ReplyDeleteI hate to say it, but there are a lot of dumb, obtuse IFers there. I know an exec at my company who used DE at age 40 for her son, and still regularly says things that would make your jaw drop.
ReplyDeletePoint being, maybe she's infertile and STILL "not one of us".
Hmn. Your mileage may vary, but I found talking about donor egg related issue with someone who *was* one of Us (three failed IVFs and multiple miscarriages before having her only child) and who had experience counseling people in my situation to be really helpful. You don't want to be talking to a therapist who doesn't get it about these things.
ReplyDeleteJust my opinion.
P.S. Need more photos of Baby Jay and Leah. . . .
I think she is a bit of a naieve dick who doesnt know about adoption....
ReplyDeleteWhy is she talking about herself anyway - it's your counselling session not hers.... I'm sure she is lovely in a lot of other ways or else you woudlnt be going back to her but if her rosey optimism starts leaking through to an annoying level then just know there has got to be someone better out there for you.
x
I think you should find another therapist.
ReplyDeleteWe are seeing her for guidance in reconciling our discipline differences for Leah. I dont think this will impact my relationship with her. I give her the benefit of a doubt.
DeleteBut if it shows up more, BOOT to the curb. Take your fertile self elsewhere Counselor.
I know several families that have adopted children from orphanages in Russia, Ethiopia, China and India. I can think of no better word than "rescued" when it comes to these children. Some of the adoptive families have had long roads to help these children open up love and it is an awesome thing to see. Don't be so quick to judge - you don't know this woman's story or experiences she may have had that has led her to this decision.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. There is a young couple in my neighborhood who is heartily religious. The girl's father is a minister. I like them a lot, some folks can have the holy connection and not be jags about it. This family was one of them.
DeleteThen the young couple talked about wanting to adopt before having their own children (they were in their 20's). And they did adopt. They brought home a young baby from Africa. The People celebrated about the child who had been rescued. It is all in the wording. Rescued.
From what?
Rescued from Couple number 73,125? Because it sure feels like that is how many families are lining up for adoption.
It is a competitive situation, not one of just plain dropping in like a super hero. There are many, many super heroes out there with empty arms.
I think you've got it right when you say "there are many, many super heroes out there with empty arms." And I think Augusta has got it right when she points out the disturbing colonialist echoes in wealthy Western couples going to places in the global South (and impoverished places in the North) to bring back children and raise them outside their culture of birth.
ReplyDeleteBut there really are kids who need homes, and there really are homes that ache for kids, and most adoptive parents love and cherish their children, who grow up well-adjusted and just fine. I do wish there was an ethical, equitable, loving, non-sanctimonious way to go at this, and I'm not convinced the current system is it.
Maybe she is covering for herself as to not let you in. I know I'm overly open about our situation and struggles with people I don't even know. Maybe she's the opposite of that or wants to play stupid (and by that I mean really stupid with the comment) and/ or doesn't want to share. Maybe I'm giving her too much benefit of the doubt, which I almost never do, so I don't know why.
ReplyDeleteI met this woman who is in mid forties with a set of triplets under a year and a set of 6 year old twins. How could I not assume? In that situation I was the ass because it turns out she was graced by god and multiples run in her family. She then proceeded to tell me how she carried the triplets to 36 weeks and the twins til 40 and I wanted to slap her for bragging. So I guess you never know.