I don't get it. I don't know how it all works. Somehow, some way, we just get through it all.
I cannot believe it has been two weeks since I had my 16 week appointment with Glinda the Good OB. (Glinda, not Glenda - thanks Sarah. I love my pop culture when I can get it right.)
I sat down in the chair with Glinda and promptly burst into tears. "Oh my goodness. What is wrong? Are you bleeding again? You could have called. Are you feeling ok?" I cried a little more and the best answer I could come up with was "I am scared."
Glinda has her own stories to share. Stories of waking up and pulling back sheets to see a bloody mess; preterm labor; more bleeding. She told me she set the goal of just making it to delivery, then it will all be okay. Moral of the story: never set that final goal line. You know it always gets moved.
She delivered a healthy baby. She was nursing and the baby began to have seizures. What. But she was there. She arrived at her goal. She made it to delivery. It is the self identified safe zone. Right?
Her baby's seizures are now managed, no long term impact to the infant. The only lasting scars are on the mother. She said it was harder to recover from the seizures than the bleeding and preterm labor because she thought she was in her safe zone.
Some moral, huh? The moral is more complex than never setting the finish line. It makes it sound like you are never safe, but hell, you really aren't. I feel all predestination and shit, but taking it one day at a time is the best I have right now. Cannot change it for the better and thankfully cannot change it for the worse.
I am out about the pregnancy at work now. It is kind of fun, especially when I see people in other departments do a cartoon double take at me. As I told my newly pregnant friend Lut, I highly recommend sitting on your announcement for as long as possible if only for entertainment value.
Do NOT sit on it justincasethatthingthatcanhappenhappens. Ahem, like I did. It doesn't help and it just might do more harm than good.
Things are great now. Happiness is finally mine. I feel like a million bucks and only worry late at night when flipping for the cold side of the pillow. But it doesn't last long or at least as long as it used to.
Thank God we are so damn resilient. Well done, Sir.