Note: this post could be really annoying. Someone complaining about her OB. I apologize if it comes out the wrong way, but she sure is a Mega Bitch. I am grateful to be pregnant but I need to unload a bit.
The short of it is I don't think I am going to switch practices.
I spoke with the Glenda the Good OB about the situation. I prepared for it like a high school student, bulleting out my main and supporting sub-points. I felt almost nervous when I started to deliver the message - so much was riding on an effective delivery.
I nailed it. Whew.
My favorite line was recapping how the Evil OB turned the story against me by searching for my so-called real problems at home or at work. Crud, I don't think I told you that part.
The Evil OB must have felt my powerful eye-daggers piercing her all over with a white hot pain. She said I looked concerned. Was I sure something else wasn't going in? Perhaps something at work or trouble at home?
"I am pregnant and I am bleeding from my vagina. What part of that isn't enough to cause concern?"
Why oh why can't I think of those things when the situation is at hand? Woe is me, I only was able to say it to the Good OB when retelling the abuses I suffered with her partner.
The Good OB totally disarmed me with one statement, telling me she wishes this was the first time she had heard something like this.
What.
I guess the Evil OB is, in fact, evil. Glenda the Good OB tells me if I felt dismissed or judged I very likely was.
I feel validated. That counts for a lot. I can avoid the Evil one and that counts for more.
I shopped around for another OB. I have slim pickings for such a fancy schmancy suburb. Even confirmed my options with my lovable RE. When it comes to pedigrees, no other practice compares.
Even though we are donor egg, Good OB will write special orders for me to have ultrasounds performed at another hospital with better equipment. Problem solved. This is the route w went Toddlerina anyhow. It is not hard and I find value in the extra drive.
We will likely schedule a c section rather than try for a vaginal birth after caesarian. I fear the risk the uterine rupture. I know the odds of it are less than one percent, but my first still born daughter Mannie was even lower odds. I don't take comfort in numbers.
No more bleeding. I sure think I might feel some movement. Cracks me up.
Toddlerina turned 2 yesterday. Fertically challenged Mommas take hope! Your Take Home Baby can happen.
At least there is a good OB who validated your experience and with a scedualed c-section you can be more certain who will deliver your little one.
ReplyDeleteHey Roccie...glad you got to say your concerns to the Good OB. And don't question your choice about VBAC/CSec...the decision you made is right because you made it. I too feel that 1% is too much for comfort when you've been delved so many one in fractions of risks with respect to fertility/pg loss, etc. And must be soo fun now that Toddlerina is 2! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteWow that EVIL OB is evil! I too never can come up with my comebacks in the moment, but after...watch out! Yay for movement, so exciting. I forget, how far are you now?
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to Toddlerina!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunate OB situation. Any idea why both OB's continue to work in the same practice? Rather embarrassing for the one to say she knows the other has a 'less than ideal' bedside manner.
Is the "unpopular decision" changing OB's? That isn't unpopular from my perspective. If you're uncomfortable with a doctor in your practice, you should switch, unless there is some way to avoid her entirely.
ReplyDeleteIt is really unfortunate that her partner is aware of her deficiencies and yet must continue in practice with her. Gah.
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ReplyDeleteA little "I get you" goes a long way. But yeah, wonder why they are still working together. Whine and bitch on! We are hear to listen and support you.
ReplyDeleteHappiest of birthdays Todderlina!!
I am so glad the good OB listened and understood where you are coming from......
ReplyDeleteHappy 2nd Birthday Toddlerina!
I think everyone has to make the best decisions for themselves. For me, it was a VBAC, but I can understand why you feel another c-section is the best decision for you.
Kelley
I admire you for speaking up, Roccie. It sounds like you were heard and that steps were taken to avoid evil bitch ob at future appointments. I loved your line about being concerned about bleeding. What kind of OB doesn't think that would freak a pregnant momma out?
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad to read that you will be getting your u/s somewhere else, and that you will continue with the OB you do like. With a planned c-section, you'll be able to schedule the birth for when your OB is working.
High- five for validation. Fist-bump for no more bleeding. Elaborate-secret-handshake for C-section decision made (I would make the same choice in your shoes, for what it's worth). And woot! holla! whatwhat! for Toddlerina's birthday.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being honest and confronting the situation with good OB, glad she validated your feelings and that shes in your corner! The c-section sounds like a good plan given your history and I don't blame you for not wanting to take chances, I also do not take comfort in statistics. Once you've been on the losing end of statistics more than once as we have its very hard to take any comfort in them! Happy B-day to Toddlerina!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy belated birthday to Toddlerina!
ReplyDeleteYay for no more bleeding. Yay for speaking up for yourself and your care. I am glad you felt heard and have a plan in place so you don't have to deal with Evil doctor.
As someone who always seems to have things fall on the wrong side of statistics, I would have done the same thing with the c-section. Wait. I did. :-) (Truth be told, it was easier in some ways this time. I really wasn't as sore as I remembered being the first time.)
Yahoo, it is great to be validated! I am so very jealous you are feeling movement!!!!
ReplyDeleteRelieved and happy no more bleeding and you think you feel movement, even though it seems early for that, I think . . . it's been a while so the weeks and what happens when are becoming hazier. It shows you are on the road to the joy I so much want you to have much more of, and as the more frequently present emotion during this pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYou are smart and asked good questions assertively, and good for her that she was open and honest with you. Your odds of avoiding the bitch are better with Cesarean, but there is still a chance you will encounter her again, and you probably know that. You might want to bring someone with you that will help with the timely comeback (between the two of you you'll have one), or to keep you from verbal violence in the chance the good OB gets the other one into therapy to work through her issues. You have two good ones, and only 1 bad one so seems much better decision than when I stayed in bad practice for only 1 good one out of 3. All the scheduled appointments could be with Good OB, or the "Gosh No", better backup OB. The only way to avoid her completely is if you were rich and could give her a stay in one of your spare castles in Scotland or somewhere over there where there are castles, to keep her out of the country, or on a cruise ship from 32 weeks on, so she is never on call . . . until your baby is in your arms.
Dude, no apologies needed for not wanting to be PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORTURED by a medical professional. I am so not shocked to hear that she's a monster to all her patients. I wish someone would DO something about it, but I know that's more complicated than it might seem.
ReplyDeleteI hope T. is a wonderful two year old, who only says NO! when it's appropriate. With you as her mother, I know she's an amazing kid, and this little one will be too!
Oh, and for all my emotional conflict, recovery from C-section sure has been a magical dream, and the horror stories I've read in other places--I say avoid uterine rupture at any cost, and enjoy the upsides of c-section.
ReplyDeleteWell, hopefully you can continue to avoid her for, oh, the rest of eternity!?! What a total loon.
ReplyDeleteHaving been on the shitty end of statistics over and over (not once!, not twice!, not three times! etc) I totally understand and respect your choice to go with repeat c. Whatever gets the baby out safely, right?
I am happy that you are confident you your birth choices, and I hope that may be you can be happy with yourself. Toddlerina needs you, I have met her, and she like all other infants, want to know they are the center of your universe, and your uterus.
ReplyDeleteEvil OB is a fucker. Good OB saves the day.
ReplyDeleteI'm a HUGE proponent of natural birth. But more than that, I'm an even huger proponent of having a birth that suits your needs. If that means a repeat C then I will wheel you in there myself. If that means you want to birth in the back yard in a circle of hippie clowns chanting kuby-fucking-ah, then I'll put on my chanting robes and get to work. I want you to have the happiest, safest, most comforting birth for YOU.
In the end, all that matters is what your heart tells you to be true.
I'm so glad you're getting the proper treatment you desire and deserve. And "fertically challenged"? Best ever. Fantastic. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou made the right decision. Glenda the good OB sounds very good (even while Evil OB sounds like she tortures kittens for kicks). Sad, isn't it - and weird - that doctors can have such different approaches? But the fact that the good ob sends you for the high power assessments is worth its weight in gold.
ReplyDeleteI also think it makes sense to schedule a C-section. Your goal is a living, breathing, kicking baby. All else is gravy. (A uterine rupture, whatever the odds, would not be gravy).
(Mannie. I'm glad to know her name, mama.)