Here I am.
The days were up and down. It was a gradual recovery. I still have tender moments, but they are fewer and a little less intense as time passes.
My recipient family is over the moon. We jumped through some serious hoops to get things done as quickly as possible for her. Maybe that inflamed the panic a little bit. All I know is that the embryos are with their new family.
My sister had a great one. She told me that when this birth eventually comes, I cannot see the child as "The One That Could Have Been Mine". We all know the perfect uterus can fail to implant the most perfect embryo. (Remember my fresh cycle?) There is no guarantee that same embryo would have implanted in me just because it implanted in her. Good one, huh?
Thanks for your support. I have never felt such a raw need to reach out and ask for help. I was a bit of a mess. Special thanks to those who came out of the quiet and Anonymous. Special thanks to my old friends who have stuck around when I need you most. All sappy for y'all.
I miss those babies.
Glad you are doing OK. Awesome words from your sis, right when you need them! Thank goodness for blogs - i don't know what I would do without readers either!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear your voice and that you are slowly healing. Your sister has such a special insight! How lucky to have her in your life.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to think of and pray for you.
Its good to hear from you sweetie. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better although this is a process so don't beat yourself up for still feeling raw about it from time to time. I love your sister's advice. So true.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you always, my friend ... xoxo
glad to read that you are moving through this, Roccie. This has not been an easy one, and I feel quite privileged that you would trust us with your feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave. I admire you deeply, dear one.
I am so sorry that this hit so hard, but also know what joy and hope you've just shared. Very loving hug, my dear. This was a good thing.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're riding the waves (even if the surf does tend to pound more than is comfortable). It sounds like it was a hard decision but also the right one.
ReplyDeleteYou have done an amazing thing - as you said, you couldn't give birth to them all and what a fantastic and generous thing you have done for your embryos and the recipient family! Your sister is very wise too - and completely right - there are so many factors that have to align for a pregnancy to start and continue, it's a bloomin' wonder babies are born at all. AND with epigenetics, the child that comes from those embryos would be different depending on who carried them - I often think of that when I wonder which of my son's characteristics I might see if/when I meet his donor.
ReplyDeleteThank you to your sister for her wisdom. And yeah, I don't know if I could let go of the COULD HAVE BEEN, but I also wouldn't be surprised if it feels like a Whole Other Thing if your recipient family (when your recipient family) brings a new baby into this world.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you...you've done an incredibly selfless thing that not many could do. Much love to you... xoxoxoxoxoxox
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Roccie. Just amazing. Love to you my friend
ReplyDeleteKelley
Glad you are feeling better. You have given an amazing wonderful precious gift. There's not many things in life that you can do for another person in my opinion that are as tremendously generous and life changing as this. You are giving someone a chance at their dreams, and the embryos a chance at life. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteYour sister is wise! And it sounds like you are getting to a better place. You have done such a selfless thing, and you are making the world better by giving your recipient family this chance. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less, and I don't want to come across all sanctimonious on your a**, but you have done a great thing and I admire you for it. I am hugging you right now, all the way from the Hinterland.
ReplyDeleteDarling Roccie, I've been in my hole so have missed most of your selfless journey to gift these precious embryos. What you have done is amazing, it's a huge thing, for you, and your chosen family. Your heart is big, huge even, and because of that you feel everything, heavy and happy, a lot more pronounced. Love your work. Xxx
ReplyDeleteRoccie, I keep trying to comment but getting booted out. I hope this one works. I.ve been in my cave so missed most of your selfless journey to gift these embryos.. You have a big heart, huge even. And because of this you feel everything (the happy and the heavy) much more pronounced. It's such a big thing, for both you and your chosen family. You are truly amazing. X
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