Saturday, March 19, 2011

How to manage POAS for the weak. Me.

I have learned my self control to be lacking.  I have poor planning skills and a tendency to change course mid stream.  I would never call myself spontaneous, but The Freak gets on me and in me.... and I change.

I want to document this so I can pull it up for reference when my ability to think clearly will be long, long gone.

POAS Calendar of Events, Spring 2011
  1. Sunday, 5dp5dt:  Baseline POAS.
    Expectations:  No result.
    Hope:  Clean as snow.
    Fear:  Evaporation line that does my head in.
    Strategy to counter fear:  Rocco takes urine test that morning too.

  2. Monday, 6dp5dt:  Hopeful POAS.
    Expectations:  No result.
    Hope:  Something I carry room to room to analyze in various lights.
    Fear:  More clean snow.
    Strategy to counter fear:  Remember RE told me to wait until day 8.

  3. Tuesday, 7dp5dt:  Sweaty-palmed POAS.
    Expectations:  The beginning of The Beginning or the beginning of The End.
    Hope:  Carry it around in my handbag all day to admire it.
    Fear:  More fucking snow.
    Strategy to counter fear:  None available at this time.

  4. Wednesday, 8dp5dt:  The Real Deal POAS.
    Expectations:  Determine if I need a day off on Beta Day, Friday.
    Hope:  A line so dark I can see it in any light, any room, any time.
    Fear:  Sobbing that I am out of valium.
    Strategy to counter fear:  Break into RE office to demand Beta.

  5. Thursday, 9dp5dt:  Poop or Get Off the Pot POAS.
    Expectations:  Affirmation of Wednesday.
    Hope:      Even my mother won't doubt the line.
    Fear:  Hear tone in my mother's voice trying to manage my expectations for Beta.
    Strategy to counter fear:      Break into RE office to get more valium.

Be strong my sisters.  They tell me this pain is worth it in the end.
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24 comments:

  1. KathleenMarch 19, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    hope hope hope!!!!! the pain IS worth it in the end, well, at least i hope to god it is :-) i love this post. its so true!

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  2. KathleenMarch 19, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    ps... i love valium :-)

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  3. TrinityMarch 19, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Hoping, hoping, hoping...and hugs.

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  4. StacieMarch 19, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    I am hoping too. Sending love and strength to you during this awful wait. I wish we could invent something that would tell us instantly after transfer if the cycle was a success. We'd be millionaires...

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  5. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Oh momma. I have no self control either. Just know we're here to hold you up through all of it.

    <3

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  6. NMarch 19, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    The pain is worth it in the end! Either way. If it's positive then no brainer. If negative, super sucky but you know you are doing all you can. I'm OBVIOUSLY rooting for the positive. I'll be checking often.

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  7. LuluMarch 19, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    This post is so awesome. Good luck!

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  8. R.March 20, 2011 at 6:13 AM

    Fingers crossed.

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  9. Still A Guest RoomMarch 20, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    Hoping for a wonderful beta!!!

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  10. LisaMarch 20, 2011 at 6:28 AM

    I couldn't have written that better myself. This period of time is pure torture. Its almost as though I am in the bathroom with you (yeah, I know, sort of awkward!) waiting for that fucking line to appear.

    Update us daily, please! God damn I'm waiting for the line so dark you can see it in any room day!

    Fingers, toes, legs, arms and eyes crossed. It'll be tough to get through the week that way, but thats what i'm doing for you, sista.

    xoxo

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  11. JBMarch 20, 2011 at 6:56 AM

    Something is missing. I don't see "eat an entire pint of ice cream by myself and snark at anyone who gives me a sideways glance about it." I believe that factored prominently into my wait, somewhere.

    Crossing my fingers for you...and toes, eyes, fallopian tubes, whatever. Wednesday will be here before you know it.

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  12. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 7:55 AM

    PLEAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE universe...Give Roccie a a BFP!! Please!!!

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  13. Brave IVF GirlMarch 20, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    Sending you oodles of hope!

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  14. AugustaMarch 20, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    diazepam is your friend, but maybe you won't need her this time. I'm with LisainSK, imploring the Universe for your BFP. Oh, dear sweet Jesus, please let it be.
    Keep us posted on the POAS progression and attending feelings. I'll be on pins and needles for you, and loving you every step of the way. You are precious to me, Roccie. Let this be Toddlerina's little sis or bro.

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  15. rebeccaMarch 20, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    Holding so much hope for you my friend...good vibes and thoughts being sent your way ((hugs))

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  16. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 10:25 AM

    Hahaha! I just LOVE how you're able to organize your thoughts amidst the chaos...so awesome. Crossing fingers over here!

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  17. lady PUPOkinMarch 20, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    I love this schedule.
    Expectations:  Some excellent blog posts in he days to come.
    Hope:  You gots a baby all up in there.
    Fear:  I may now get ideas to start POASing earlier than planned. The results may make me cry. The sad kind.
    Strategy to counter fear:  Consume no liquid between now and next Friday/Saturday? Go on a crazy, peestick-free vacation somewhere that I can still get my ass shot (since N has to work)...

    Love you, woman. Let's do this thing.

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  18. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    Fingers crossed for you! And I love your POAS plan. Nothing like being organized ;)

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  19. GurleeMarch 20, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    Thinking of you during the next 5 or so days of hell. May your bravery reward you with a bfp.

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  20. JenniMarch 20, 2011 at 5:52 PM

    I like your plan - I was a POAS addict when we were still trying naturally... Right now I'm leaning toward holding on to hope as long as possible. No POASing before Beta day. Now, if only I have the willpower... I hope you get your BFP.

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  21. bibcMarch 20, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    i also LOVE this post. strength to you, friend. and thanks for always knowing what to say to me.
    that means a lot.
    xoxo
    lis

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  22. SarahMarch 21, 2011 at 7:49 AM

    Fingers crossed you see that second line soon! xoxo

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  23. bunnyMarch 21, 2011 at 8:02 AM

    What a BRILLIANT strategy! I hope you're either holding out another day, or carrying something around to analyze in different lights right now. I so, so, SOOOO want you to be spared all the fear options.

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  24. Mrs. LemonMarch 21, 2011 at 12:20 PM

    Hoping and praying for you!!! You still make me laugh even when you are stressing, that is mad skills!

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