Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Beta day 3 with p4 on the decline

hCG increased from 1169 to 2624.

Progesterone dropped from 25 to 18.6.

We are increasing the PIO injections from 1cc to 1.5.  Back in the office on Friday for another check.

Nervous.  Really nervous.  

Regretting all the times I thought how much I wanted to trade places with women fretting over beta numbers.  They seemed to lose sight of the big picture.  Man alive, I hope I was not an insensitive ACEhole to them.

For the record, big picture is long gone.  Statistics mean nothing and promises are made to no one.  I have been that one in 1,000,000 in the past.  It does not give me a free ride.

It does not feel safe here.
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31 comments:

  1. TrinityMarch 30, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    I wish I had a verbal balm to soothe this for you. I'm sorry that you're in this uncertain, nerve-grinding space right now. The tenuousness fucking blows. I hope and pray this bump in progesterone is the ticket.

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  2. AugustaMarch 30, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    And it won't feel safe for a while, will it. No, of course not, dearest woman. It's hard not to think you will have a car accident every time you get in the car if you've had a bad accident in the past. Just the way it is. But you have spent a few decades getting to know yourself, and you know what to do when you feel scared. Trust yourself, and trust that you will be ok no matter what. You are very strong.

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  3. bunnyMarch 30, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    Ugg, I don't want there to be anything to worry about (other than, you know, the ultrasound and the next nine months). But if you're in the mood for encouraging anecdotes, a fellow blogger had a progesterone level of 1 (ONE), and is 22 weeks now... I'm hoping this is just a fluctuation and that Friday gives you a nice, encouraging number.

    Oh, and by the way: HUGE CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER GREAT BETA!

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  4. AdeleMarch 30, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    Darn, Roccie. You deserved for this to have been easy, not fraught. I can understand your not feeling safe. But your foot is in the door. Both feet, actually. PIO, do your thing.

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  5. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    I know it's hard. You know we all know. We're here, in it - with you. Be scared and we'll fly the hope flags for you. Infertility takes so much more from us than anyone realizes. You don't have to feel confident, we've got you and we'll catch you. Ok?

    I love you my friend.

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  6. KellyMarch 30, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    I know how hard it is and can understand why you don't feel safe. With my betas, my RE wasn't concerned one bit when my P4 went from 20 to 14. WHAT?? Anyway, she prescribed something and it stayed good. I'm glad that your doc is on top of things. It's ok if you're too scared to hope...we'll keep hope for you.

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  7. nurslouisaMarch 30, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    That's a wonderful beta and the increase In the dose of PIO will help your progesterone level. Just keep breathing and I'm hoping hard everything else will take care of its self.

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  8. siennaMarch 30, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    i've read of some seriously low progesterone levels "yours isn't one of them" and seen healthy pregnancies progress, so with that i'm gonna say "no worries". will be thinking of you tonight and telling your what i assume are nice bun buns to ABSORB that freaking pio!!!! i freaking hate it that you're having to worry about this. hope the next few days fly by so you can get another number on the chart that is HIGH.

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  9. ASPMarch 30, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    I'm sending so many good vibes up for you, Roccie. I want this to be it for you so bad. ♥ XO.

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  10. LisaMarch 30, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    First off... another kick ass beta. Well done Roccie.

    Secondly, I'm a total progesterone dumb ass. My dr. never gave me numbers so I have nothing to compare it to. I'm not sure what's good and what's not. I am hopeful that the PIO shots (evil as they are) will do the trick and you'll be smooth sailing. Are you also taking the suppositories? I was jamming those bitches up the pink parts 2 times a day (morning and night) and PIO'ing (2cc's) every night at 7pm.

    Still keeping every.single.thing crossed for you Roccie. You got this. I can feel it.

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  11. NMarch 30, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    I'm holding your hand and sending positive pregnant energy. I'm not taking you off my expecting blog roll. The P4 isn't too low. Plus you caught it early, so now for more PIO.....

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  12. GurleeMarch 30, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Oh Roccie,
    I wish I could take away your worry. Like previous commenters, I have seen bloggers pull through with lower numbers. Going through IF we never get to experience the ignorance is bliss phenomenon, pity.
    Your gonna rock this out you know.

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  13. LuluMarch 30, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure I'd be an anxious basketcase too.

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  14. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    Ugh hang in there Roccie...I've been down the P4 rollercoaster before. Hang on tight...

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  15. lady pumpkinMarch 30, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    Oh, honey. I hate that there has to be any worry at all. To my eye, this looks just a touch below normal and the extra 1/2cc should nip that shit in the bud real fast. But to hear of the repeated decline as part of your own pregnancy is a whole different beast. I love you. We love you. We are here. Our hope flags have mysteriously woven themselves together into a hope quilt. You can fall back against it and we will catch you.

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  16. rebeccaMarch 30, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    The anxiety is completely understandable and I wish I could say it gets better, but honestly the farther I've gotten in this pregnancy the more I'm worried. Its just there is that much more hope invested, that much more to lose and in pregnancy after loss its next to impossible to lighten up and not have some fears.
    We're right here with you though & continuing to hope that things progress smoothly. Sending lots of love and holding hope ((hugs))

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  17. JBMarch 30, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    I'm not a doctor (oh, wait, I actually AM, but the kind that writes the textbooks, not the kind that makes any money), but that progesterone level seems okay for the amount of PIO you were injecting. My RE had me shooting up 2cc from the get-go, so my guess is that your numbers will rebound just fine with the increased amount. If you're really worried and want to declare marshal law on your ute, you could up it to 2cc yourself. The explanation I got for fluctuation in the first few weeks (after a fresh cycle with egg retrieval) is that the corpus luteum(s) (I dunno what the plural is for that) release a high amount of progesterone initially, and there are multiple sources instead of just one, and then they shrivel up and the level drops (so it's an artificial peak and trough). I imagine with an FET, your levels start out low(er) because you've inhibited ovulation and formation of a corpus luteum altogether, to cut right to the transfer, and starting out at a lower dose of PIO didn't give you an artificial peak. Some ladies may ooze progesterone out of their pores, and some may need more exogenous to get to the magical range of "desirable" values. This is more of an art, after all, and less a science. And it might not be fair to compare the FET cycle to a fresh IVF cycle. (You probably know all of this, so go ahead and tell me I'm an asshole for telling you again.)

    Anyhoo, I also have a friend who got pregnant from actual sex (weird, I know) who had very, very low progesterone levels early on and a lot of fear for many weeks, and her little boy is 2.5 years old now. Her levels normalized after a while and her pregnancy was fine.

    Hang in there, lady.

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  18. Good Egg HatchedMarch 30, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    UGH. This is the worst part. This is the dark tunnel you have to walk through holding onto the sides, believing the person who tells you there is an exit up ahead. I'm that person. This part will be over soon.

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  19. R.March 30, 2011 at 6:23 PM

    I'm encouraged by the hcg rise. Progesterone fluctuates throughout the day so a drop is not uncommon, but nonetheless stll crazy scary. It is totally normal to be scared and anxious, I still am. Good luck and I thinking of you.

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  20. Brave IVF GirlMarch 30, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Glad your beta rise is solid! Progesterone fluctuates around, so I'm confident that increasing to 1.5cc will see it bounce back up. I totally get being scared and anxious - one day at a time!

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  21. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 12:17 AM

    The anxiety never goes away. You can always find something new that isn't going perfectly to worry about. But if it helps, I'll be hopeful and optimistic for you. Cling, tiny one, cling!

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  22. mareMarch 31, 2011 at 7:28 AM

    ugh, i am sorry you are stressed- beta hell SUCKS. your beta numbers are looking awesome though and hopefully the shots take care of the progesterone.

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  23. HopeBPatientMarch 31, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    I *very much* hope that this is all just a lot of worry over nothing. I don't have much advice to give since my progesterone only gets tested with the first beta. I'm hoping that this worry is all just a product of being over-monitored, which, sigh, sadly we all are in this game. Hang in there!!

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  24. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    My progesterone dropped between the second and third betas (with me being on Crinone) and I'm currently 7.5 months pregnant. Progesterone went from 14.2 (first beta) to 23 (second) to 18.8 (third). Good luck.

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  25. RosieMarch 31, 2011 at 2:25 PM

    Roccie none of this comes without something new to worry about at each new step! A precarious and fraught journey I have discovered. But each step each day in the right direction is to be celebrated. One step closer! Send positive messages to little fetus and your own body! I've done it the entire journey. Am upholding you. Be brave. Xxxxxx

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  26. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    Roccie my beautiful rockstar bloggy friend. I am so behind and am here with my tail between my legs. On the one hand I want to scream "congratulations" to you, but on the other hand I know that could sound insensitive given that it all feels so tentative. When I was in one of my beta hell former lifes my clinic always told me that one thing by itself (eg low progesterone) isn't alarming, its when you get other things thrown in as well (slow rising betas and bleeding) that they start to figure the low progesterone might be a concern. Your extra pio better be powing its way to your uterus right now and making your day with a fabulously increased p4 result at next BT.
    And fuck the big picture. Each day is a big picture right now and thats all you need to think about. You'll get there, I really hope you do. xxxxxx xxx

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  27. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    I've got everything crossed for you honey. The beta game is an excruciating one.

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  28. Mad HatterMarch 31, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    I am reassured by R.'s comment because I know nothing about any of this. Hang in there, sister...I am hoping big hopes for you.
    Love,
    Maddy

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  29. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    I"m here, holding hope and the hope flag high. <3 this is not a shit show. THIS IS NOT A SHIT SHOW.

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  30. lindaMarch 31, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    I think your P4 is in the safe zone but I'd be freaking too to see it drop! Glad you caught it in time. My last cycle I did 800mg a day...so I think going to 2cc isn't a big deal. :-)

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  31. Lut C.March 31, 2011 at 11:59 PM

    I hope you make it to a place where you feel comfortable.

    It's tough, hang in there!

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