Saturday, May 7, 2011

Changing of the Guard

Apologies for the quiet across all fronts.  I am here, quietly reading, quietly freaking and managing.

I have graduated over to the OB as of last week.  OB is a different story on the subchorionic hematoma than the Good RE.  I am trying not to let it worry me by classifying it as a change of leadership.  OB is in this for a much longer run and her objectives are quite different than the Good RE.  I feel like a smell a little "not on my watch" perhaps?

Sadly, I have lost my title as a Run of the Mill pregnancy.  I was really proud of that too.  I am back in the (flashing neon letters?) High Risk group for this pregnancy.

The SCH is smaller as of last week.  OB is very pleased with the downward trend, but then touched hot white wires to my heart when she talked about what can be the outcome from the SCH of my size.  A gruesome miscarriage where the entire placenta shears off is the least of my worries.  It sounds like it is more likely to interfere with blood flow and growth, taking the heartbeat away from my baby.  Second trimester enjoys an increased risk to rupture my bag of waters where the SCH weakened the placenta.

I am back in the office again next week.  OB wants to see me once a week.  Never a good sign when an OB isn't stingy with her ultrasounds, is it?  I will be 11 weeks when I return next week.  Counting down to 13 weeks.

I am doing ok for the most part.  I haven't been eating the pregnancy websites up but I also have not been Dr. Googling the SCH.  In fact, I try not to think of the baby much unless it is in active, palm-sweaty begging prayer for a healthy outcome.  I read that back and it sounds pretty pathetic, but all is well.

All my thoughts and prayers are with our Mothers In Progress tomorrow.  

You don't need a baby in your crib or in your belly to be a Momma.

All my love and support on Mother's Day.


  1. Crossing everything that the SCH doesn't cause any harm. I know how worried you must be. Thinking of you.

  2. Sending prayers your way.....xo

  3. Hugs and prayers every day for you...xoxox

  4. Congrats on graduating to the OB, and I"m so glad the SCH is smaller. Continuing to send good thoughts your way!

  5. It's true, a vigilant OB can be frightening, but let her do the professional worrying for you as much as is possible. Your job from here on in is to take care of yourself, and let others chip in, too.

    Happy Mother's Day.


  6. Ahh crap. I am sorry to hear that there are some possible sucky outcomes your OB mentioned. I will be thinking of you often and sending all the good thoughts I have. I really, really hope all the worry is for not. I think you and the baby will be ok. Hang in there. I'm sorry you are in the high risk category again.

  7. Oh, Rocc. I want nothing more for you than a healthy baby and an easy heart. I like to think sometimes that if you know what can happen, then it won't happen to you. Sure, I kind of invented that, but it doesn't cost anything to look at things that way. As JB said, if at all possible, know that someone is getting paid well to fuel your pregnancy's worry train, so that you don't have to drive it. Sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep at night and my mind is chugging along at warp speed, I picture a bucket--sort of a flower pot--filled with soil, and then I just dump it out. Let all those thoughts go. If that image happens to do anything for you, it's yours for the borrowing. Happy Mother's Day to you tomorrow, honey badger. You and your baby are gonna make it.

  8. Sending palm-sweaty beggin prayers your way, Roc. We shall be pretty and pathetic in solidarity!

  9. thinking of you and hoping for you and this pregnancy.

  10. Oh no Roccie!!! Please please hang tight...I know you will but if it helps any know that I am thinking of you...

  11. THinking and praying hard for you that this all heals well and you get your beautiful healthy baby in 29 more weeks. We're here to help you through this. (Tippy)

  12. Well, I suppose she was obliged to tell you those details, but it can't have been easy a message to receive.

    You know I'm thinking of you!

  13. Congrats on graduating to your OB, and know that I'm still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. One day at a time!

  14. It's funny, sometimes I feel like my doctor is too optimistic about my SCH and I wish he'd be more worst-case scenario so as to really prepare me for what I fear is an inevitable horrible turn of events. I guess it's all a big no-win solution, at least until they tell us our SCHs have resolved and we're back "in the clear" (as clear as can be, I guess...)

    I'm on weekly u/s with my doc too, it's somewhat reassuring and fun to see the babe every week, but I too think I'd maybe to be back in the whole low-risk "we'll see you in 6 weeks" category...or at least somewhere in between?

    Thinking of you and sending lots of healthy, strong energy to you and babe, and of course, an extra dose of love for mother's day....

  15. Here's what could have happened to me during the course of my pregnancy: Hemorrhage. Complete placental abruption. Emergency c-section @ 28 weeks. Here's what actually happened: isolated bleeding episode. Thirteen completely uneventful weeks of bedrest. A boring c-section and a completely healthy baby.

    You know, I get that they want to be upfront with us, and that we wouldn't rest unless we knew the worst-case scenario stuff anyway. But part of me longs for the 1950s when they didn't tell you anything, you didn't google anything and you just showed up at the delivery and sniffed some gas.

    My point is, there are always scary things that can go wrong. But the fact that you know about those things doesn't make them any likelier to happen than knowing that you could get run over by a bus tomorrow makes that likely to happen, you know? I'm not saying you aren't justified in worrying, because goodness knows I can't stop that voice inside. But I guess try to take that stuff with a grain of salt. Sometimes a SCH is just a SCH, you know? And I hope you are on the good side of the odds (my guess is that you are way more likely to be totally fine than not!).

    Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way. I want you to be back in that boring category v. soon.

  16. Oh Roc. I had no idea you were so freaked out. I wish I had a magic ball that could tell you it's all going to be ok. I'm here for the duration. <3

  17. Roccie, dear woman, that SCH is a bugger. But a shrinking bugger is better than an expanding bugger, so I am thankful for small mercies. I will remain optimistic and hopeful about your and your fetus's health.
    keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs.

  18. Damn it. I wanted this to be easy for you. Or, if not easy (some things ain't gonna happen) then at least uneventful. Yes, run of the mill. You had it coming to you. The fact that it is shrinking is very, very good. As is the fact that your OB is keeping such a close eye on things. But I know that this kind of thing leaves you on the razor's edge, which is a terrible place to be.

    But it's shrinking. It's shrinking. This is everything.

    I'm hoping big hopes for you, R.

  19. And we are quietly waiting for updates... and we will continue to do so... we will wait for all the great updates to come.

    They will be. You'll see.