Every time I thought about waiting a month or so, I had this faint unrest. I dont know. I just felt this little pull.
Cycle on Old Momma, cycle on.
I have been POAS since mid last week to watch for the ovulation surge. In the manner of most POAS tests I take, the bitch has been negative all weekend.
Hmm. Crap. Maybe this show is over. Mother father.
Maybe the little voice, that I liked to pretend was the spirit of my unborn child, urging me on was really the cracked and hoarse voice of my fading ovaries. A gentle voice whispering in my ear, "your ass isn't getting any younger".
I am oddly ok with this. Someone get me a fine young 20-something who can crank me out 30+ eggs.
I am probably getting ahead of myself. My RE tells me over and over we aren't at the donor stage yet.
I am a little afraid of my eggs. There is just so much to say about it, but I just dont know if I can do it. Does it make it real if I talk about it? Does it tempt fate and those fucking faeries? Dont even get me started about 'God's plan'.
Holy shit, I am going to get struck by lighting.
Ah, God's plan. What is that again, exactly? (There, now we'll both be struck by lightning).
ReplyDeleteI think if your RE is telling you that you're not at that stage yet then you truly are not at that stage. And I'm still voting for the voice to be the spirit of your unborn child. I envision the voice of fading ovaries having a very raspy, distinctive voice...like a 3 pack a day smoker with an occasional crack habit:)
all this craziness we go through makes us so superstitious! i so feel you on this. lol. just wanted to thank you for your lovely comments of support on my blog. means the world to me. wishing you well! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're the second blogger I've read today who is talking about God's plan. I like to think that if God had a plan, she would be able to implement it without so much fucking misery. But don't listen to heathen me.
ReplyDeleteI have blamed god, begged god, tried to bargain with god...eh, in the end, you still have to have your faith in something, god or otherwise and look at that beautiful baby your eggs did make, I have to beleive another one is right out there for you!
ReplyDeleteI think if God had a plan, there would be fewer crack whores getting pregnant. You have a plan. That's the plan that matters! So just figure out if you think it's with your eggs or somebody else's and you're good to go. I get being afraid of your body. I was pretty sure mine was just baby toxic. So far so good, knock wood!
ReplyDeleteFrom cyclesista here.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you--not quite ready to embark on the whole donor egg thing (although it would mean a lot less agony on my part I tell you), but more than a little worried about what this cycle will produce as far as my eggs/quality.
Let's hope this latest round of IVFs gives us both the little ones we desire!
Oh roccie I resonate so much with all of this! A humorous and poignant post all at once. I am wishing hard for the both of us. Good luck for this cycle. I hope it's the one.
ReplyDeleteI am completely and totally devouring your blog.
ReplyDelete