Monday, June 28, 2010

To cycle, or not to cycle. That is the question.

Timing is everything.  Common sense.

You know what I like even less than the uncertainty of IVF?  The decisions you get to make based on that uncertainty.  In a messy climax, you top it all off by paying for the pleasure of it all.

I spent my pocket money on baby making fuel.  Soup me up with some Royal Jelly and Inositol.  I have a little CoQ10 going with it.  I have some Melatonin, but I cant remember what to do with it.

So how long does a girl immerse her uterus in this before seeing a benefit?

We have about 24 hours to decide - cycle this month or wait.  Should we postpone a month to load up on these super fuels or am I aging in dog weeks as we speak?  (40, she lingers.)

We will spend one month estrogen priming, then retrieve the next month.  Is the month of estrogen priming enough to get this business working or should I extend it out a little longer?

I dont expect anyone has the answer.  In fact, I feel a little bad putting you on the spot, asking your advice.  However, I am incapable of making a decision.  I used to be an intelligent woman but goddammit I cant get my head around this one.

You come here looking for entertainment and a laugh or two, and I put you to work.

I hope my picture doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.  Say the word and it goes.  I am just feeling the weight of the world after the funeral.  Everyone should have hope.  Please see this as a beacon to your sleepless nights when your babies are finally home in your arms, not your hearts and minds.


  1. That was the sweetest paragraph I think I've ever read on anyone's blog. Thank you for the reminder that someday it will happen for us. All of us.

    To cycle or to not cycle. Tough one. They say that it takes 3 months for your eggs to release. So the eggs retrieved your last cycle were from 3 months ago. Weird, right? Completely true? Who the hell knows. I will say that after I took my long break and the last cycle I did was about 3 months prior when I started taking all the COQ10 and other random junk and those were my best embies yet. Even though it all ended the same as the other crappy cycles. Do what your heart tells you to do. ♥ That's all you can do. It's like a freaking crapshoot with this babymakin' business.

  2. I'm with ASP. Love your final note and I vote for keeping the picture. We can all use visual reminders of what we're working so hard for every once in a while... thanks for that.

    As for the to cycle or not question ... always such a hard one to answer. They say that you should take Royal Jelly for 3 months before cycling but i've read many stories on the internet that have said they had drastically improved egg quality (comparing to previous doomed cycles) after only having used it for 2 months and, in fewer cases, just one month. So if you decide to cycle right away - you'll have 2 months worth of the liquid gold in your system. i'm not taking the other stuff you talked about ... so i can't speak to them. in fact i'm wondering if i should be running out to throw more money at the vitamin shoppe to get what you got!

    i hear you on the age in dog years... 39 in november equals a thousand years old. sigh.

    good luck with making your decision ... not an easy one, i know.

  3. I vote keep the picture. To be honest, things like that give me hope (though not all may feel that way).

    As far as the supplements, I'm with you. I, too, was an intelligent women (we still are, beneath all this royal jelly) but at this point will try any old snake oil that is suggested. Well, not exactly. But close. I wish I had an answer for you. I also wish that my own medicine cabinet did not resemble a shelf from Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe. I guess the way I see things is this: they're not hurting. Especially things like the royal jelly which are more food than supplement.

    I have also heard excellent things about the estrogen priming. A friend is pregnant with twins after that protocol (and she had an FSH that prevented her from cycling on no fewer than 3 occasions).

  4. Keep the picture. I always always felt more positive after hearing about a fellow ivf sister (isn't that so little house on the prairie - we're all sisters on the prairie wearing our bonnets and tending the field) and her wee ones. So seeing the pic can only be inspirational, I think.

    I am an expert in PCOS by now but I don't know a lot about your protocol, admittedly. My general advice though is always do the thing you'll wonder about less if it fails. ie if you don't get pregnant, will you wonder more if you should have waited an extra month or if you waited a month too long? I don't know if that makes any sense at all but it kept me sane more than once when faced with a tough decision.

  5. Thanks for scaring that cancer away today! You're the best! ;) Lots of ♥!

  6. I don't have any advice about the supplements or whether or not you should cycle again--but wanted to say, keep the picture, and thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog! I went over and checked out manapan's blog. Thanks for making the connection.