Thursday, January 20, 2011

You think IVF is baby cloning? Are you kidding me?

If I hadn't been there myself, I would have thought the story was exaggerated.  I mean, she is an adult.  In the free world.  She is allowed to drive a vehicle, for fuck's sake.

Here is the story.  I won't draw the conclusion for you, but I am interested if you come up with the same one as me in the end.

This has a happy ending, for anyone who is already worried.  I did not show the inner rage that was making it difficult to hear the ignorant bullshit flowing from her giant yap.  She should thank her lucky stars I was not on Lupron.  I would likely have ripped her tongue out and stuffed it in her ear.

I knew this woman was trouble the day I met her.  Despite my early warnings, our friendship has progressed to occasional coffee before we pick up at school.  Why didn't I trust my gut?  I think I was too geeked up to have my first "mom friends".

This is as close to verbatim as possible.  I resist all embellishments or color commentary.

She knows I have an IVF baby.  She has the potential to know we have endured over a year of failures, but only from brief references to it.  We don't talk about it.

But it came up today at coffee.

I was explaining how baby number two was a little harder than The Common Fertile might understand.  How we have had to cancel a lot this year.  She has no idea what that means.  I bundled it all into one anonymous bucket - retrievals and transfers - to cancelations.  She knows nothing of the donor eggs.

She said she thinks Assisted Reproductive technologies are "a blessing".  Then she goes Mel Gibson on me.

The Mouth: I am all for organ donation - like a liver or something.  But I draw the line at cloning babies.

Me: No one is cloning babies.

The Mouth:  Yes, they are.  Most people don't talk about it.

Me:  No one is cloning babies.

The Mouth: Oh yes, they can grow them like skin, then donate them. (She wrinkles her nose, like she smells something bad.)

Me:  They are not cloning babies.

Then, I cannot really hear the rest of the conversation, as the blood is boiling so loudly in my ears.  It gets a little awkward from my point of view.  She senses something is off and I am doing my best to pretend I am listening to her.  

What.  Are you still talking.  I think so.  I see your mouth moving.

My initial question in this post was to confirm she was talking about donor eggs.  I don't care anymore.  Though I think she was.  I want to take this chance to document why I didn't let loose The Rage of a Mother in Limbo.

I do this for my unborn child.  I do this for my nine babies on ice.  A cutting response that puts The Mouth into place doesn't further my cause.

I have at least 5 years before this "issue" might come to light when my yet-unborn baby announces to the kindergarten class that s/he is from a Special Gift Egg.  I have a long, long time to get my head around that unavoidable and potentially awkward moment.

I can educate the parents and the children.  If the mother thinks like this, the child will too.  All that ugly stuff is learned.  Instead of cutting her to the bone (immediate satisfaction) I can sit with my story and let it marinade a little longer.  Tell the story they way it should unfold (long term opportunity).

Parenting is some hard ass stuff and this baby isn't even born.


  1. What a f#cking idiot. I mean. Seriously? I think i woulda let my inner asian gangsta come out and hit her or something. Not thatbviolence is an answer. But in this case, someone shouldve at least shaken her silly. You have more patience than i, my friend. Xoxo.

  2. Btw. My word verification was "enemat". Very approps. This lady is the enemat of all IF-ers!

  3. Amazing how you were able to think long term on that one, Roccie. You are right, it will be better to educate her and her children when the lesson is so ripe, it's falling off the tree. Bide your time, bite your tongue, atta girl. I'm very proud of you, Roccie, VERY PROUD.

    But, Fuck me! I just want to punch her in the teeth, that insensitive, ignorant walrus. I hope it gives you a bit of satisfaction to have us hate her with you, because you missed out on the satisfaction of telling her where to go and how to get there. She should be fined for speaking like that in public.

  4. I'm furious and I think she and my former pastor who thinks IVF is a mortal sin should find eachother and then go fuck the donkey they rode in on. Ignorant fools!!!!! I hate that you had to listen to that and then restrain yourself from hitting her.

  5. are incredibly strong as I do not know if I could have with held my rage at such ignorance! Seriously, that woman is so incredibly stupid!!! Just wow, the thoughts that go through some peoples heads are so difficult to understand.

  6. You are dead set a way better person than she will ever be. A person of higher intelligence and wisdom. Hold your head high. I would have smacked her off her fat arse ignorant pedestal!

  7. You are the queen of restraint Roccie. I know I would have said something rude about her IQ being in the single digits if she truly believed something so idiotic. Clearly she didn't get through high school biology!

    Please kick her for all of us next time you see her. This girl wouldn't know a clone if it kicked her in the ass.

  8. Your self control is not only admirable, it borders on sainthood. I'm so incredibly dumbfounded it isn't funny. And speechless me is hard to come by.

    You, my dear friend, deserve MUCH better friends than this. Having children via donor sperm has gotten me all kinds of questions, even from my own mother, but this? This, takes the cake.

    Next time tell her she won't have to worry about anyone cloning anything from her, because she would fail the IQ test they give to potential donors in the attempt to create superhuman clones. Watch her head spin.

  9. Holy em-eff! I am so proud of you for not schooling her with a well-placed smack. Next time, you could totally accuse her of being a Raelian and go all crazy on her.

  10. Wow I'm not sure what the hell I would have done. I think when people are that misinformed and biased if I fail at enlightening them I try to one up them (just to confuse them). So I'd proably say things like--actually they are cloning fully grown people as well, I seen pictures of it on the internet!

  11. Why is it that the imbeciles and the ignorant can breed so easily? That in itself is so unfair. It is so amazing to me that someone can actually have this point of view. I'd drop her friendship like a hot brick.

  12. Ugh, people are so dumb. It's amazing. My favorite was...why would you consider a donor, it's like you are letting your husband cheat on you... I was like, really, do I have to explain sex versus reproduction to you? Of course this was said by a friend who can literally plan the birth signs of her children.

  13. What? I am confused as to how someone can be so stupid. (strong restraint to mention politics), but really? Seriously? Way to restrain yourself. I don't know that I could have done so.

    And I am sorry you are benched, again. I am sick and my commenting/blogging is at a minimum. Soon, Roccie, soon. Babybee #2 will be on it's way.

  14. This shit blows my mind. Who gave this bitch a day pass out of the stupid farm? Seriously. I am tremendously impressed that you didn't let loose on her ass. And I love that Augusta called her a walrus. I've been thinking lately about the complicated answer when my kid(s) ask(s) how babies are made. We'll rewrite the book, sweets.

  15. Oh. Em. Ef. Gee. Holy crap. I need to sit in stunned silence for a bit and process that one.

  16. That is amazing. I hope she doesn't have email or she may send some money to some very wealthy "prince" in some small underdeveloped company. That's nuts. Kudos to you for not losing it. I would have.

  17. WHAT? IVF ISN'T BABY CLONING? Dude,this rocks my world. I totally thought it was. Personally, I'm all FOR baby cloning. In fact, I have a lab in my basement where I GROW THEM LIKE SKIN. Then I DONATE MY SKIN BABIES. To, you know, the Salvation Army.

    I'm sorry--I appreciate how deeply enraging and offensive it would be to actually be present for such a comment, but the whack-ass ignorance just cracks me up. It's the skin part.

    I personally took the comment to refer to donor embryos, where a couple just, you know, picks an already growing skin baby from the selection in the lab, like choosing a cheese at the supermarket. So not really donor EGGS per se. But who cares what craziness she had in mind, it's all crazy.

  18. Guess who wins the "Shut Your Whore Mouth" award? Yep, that's right, the asshole you wrote about up above. People are complete morons sometimes and this is one of those instances. Lots of love to you, R, for using such self control. I don't know if I would have been able to do the same. I would definitely ditch this bitch though. I think she could be a super toxic person to be around, which is something you don't need to deal with now or ever. Period. ♥ XO.

  19. To be blessed with being simple is a wonderful thing. Bad guys wear black, good guys get nailed to crosses. I am very proud of you for keeping your mouth firmly shut, or at the least, silent as your jaw dropped to the floor. Fabulously stupid people are the norm and with that kind of dumb idea, you can only know that it's contagious. These people never have an original idea, which is the more alarming realization for me.

    We are all playing God. Growing new life forms that poop alternative energy, growing prize pets from clones, and taking Science to such extremes that we fail to recognizable as humans anymore. Sadly all of this wonderful Science that does not involve evolution is prolonging the very same lives, smart and dumb alike.

    You are very welcome to give her my phone number and let me rip her an new asshole. Better yet, organize a conference call for the ladies here to educate her on the very emotional and very blessed science of ART.

  20. F me Roccie! Like WTF?! Oh I am CERTAIN her tune would change if she were in your shoes. Some people are so incredibly stupid...cloning...what a dumb a$$!

  21. Oh my!

    Roc, your 'friend' might be the ultimate argument against cloning...does mankind need more like her..oh wait, she has already reproduced? Uh oh! I doubt you or anyone else could ever help her to see the light, for that kind of ignorance does not occur suddenly. It has a looong gestation.

    Feeling a bit envious here of this ignorant fool who lucks out by getting to have Roc of Roccie Road as her real life pal....while the rest of us have to be satisfied with merely being pals via the aid of cyberspace....seems she's missing out in many ways.

    LS x

  22. Yes, yes, Sienna was right, violence is never the answer...but sometimes it might be nice to give people a little hint, no?

    Cloning babies? Really? Does she also believe climate change is a scam and that Obama was born in Kenya?

    Some people make me ashamed to be the same species as them.

  23. Wow, I have no words. Evidently, "science" is completely lost on this woman.

  24. that was a crappy conversation for you to have, but i absolutely love the way you tell the story!and for the record, that woman is toxic, i'd stay the hell away from her.

  25. What a fucktard. Seriously. You have to stop being friends with such an insensitive cow.

    Notwithstanding all of shit luck that's come your way, I still believe that 2011 is the year of the take home baby for you.

    I love you Roccie... you deserve this. You really fucking do.


  26. As a good friend of mine would say, "These are the kind of people who set OJ free." I'm so glad you saved your breath, because really, what would reason even do with this woman?

    Never fear: We are going to figure out how to talk to our kids about IVF in a way that makes non-interventional conception sound weird.

  27. Oh dear. Cloning.

    I hope your message sticks.

  28. You. Oh, you. You're one out of the box. To be able to sit there and be civilised throughout THAT conversation....gosh. You truely are able to see the bigger picture. Not many could do that, I certainly couldnt.

    And the nose twitch really annoyed me. Its something that people do when they think they are better than someone/thing. And I know she's your friend but she should not be nose twitching in your presence.


  29. cloning babies? clearly she's ignorant. egg donation is SOOO far from cloning. someone should smack some sense into her (not literally of course)... and good job for you for keeping level headed about this! way to take the high road and educate, at least in your head :-)

  30. You hold her down, I'll throw punches, and then we'll switch. Bitch needs a beatdown.

    See, this is the situation: Idiocracy is happening, people. Fucktard and fertility genes cosegregate and we are being outbred. Only when we raise our army of Cloned Skin Babies (or, They Whom No One Will Talk About) will be be able to fight the fecund and stupid.

    Perhaps Science needs to devote more attention to developing a brain transplant method for people like your "friend." All we need are two metal helmets, some wire, a car battery, and a willing monkey.

  31. ps.. i gave you a blog award. go check it out on my blog. hope you are well. hugs.