I remember when I first started to read blogs. At first I gravitated to the blogs with the glossaries down the side. There were so many new acronyms I didn't understand yet. I only knew the basics from my own experience, IVF and IUI.
I was quickly pulled in by my the writing style over at Misfit's house. I was amazed by her story and laughed at the running sidebars of Regular Life Not Associated with the Pursuit of the Baby. I read and I read and I read.
Misfit was the first one to introduce me to the idea of RPL. I can remember looking it up. And I was horrified. I don't think I fully understood what the costs of RPL might be to a family, to a couple, and to a Momma.
As avid and regular Misfit reader, time passed. I assumed I had learned the risks and the pain associated with RPL. I thought I understood what our Misfit was facing.
Dear Misfit. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your pain is now part of my own. I think of you often and wish I knew what to say.
For my own blind optimism, I apologize. I thought I was supporting you with my hoots and hollers of delight in your pregnancy. I fear it might have felt like acid on your skin. What do I know about RPL? I am grateful you can see past the gaffe to my true intentions.
I have been busy with my new prayers... or call them my best intentions, my positive thoughts and just plain thinking about our RPL sisters. You have my very, very best coming your way.
The thing about supporting one another is that we often stumble as we do it. As long as it's done with love, and never with ill intent, I don't think anyone can ever have doubts about your true feelings.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what someone has experienced firsthand isn't required for empathy. So when you say "what do I know about RPL" my answer is you know plenty, because you have empathy for your friends going through it and even if you stumble in your approach it's appreciated. Guarantee it.
Support isn't always black and white. It's not always good or bad. Sometimes it simply is the knowledge that we are all here, in it together, wading through and stumbling together.
The comment above is just beautiful...
ReplyDeleteI feel like there are always new levels of realizing just how little I understood... But I like to imagine that women who have been through hell (like yourself, like Misfit) have an extra capacity for not being too judgmental, and for understanding the intention.
As a RPL sister I appreciate the hoots and hollers even though I know it can end very abruptly. Your empathy means more than you will ever know. I can't speak for Misfit personally but I think she appreciates your support.
ReplyDeleteIf you do nothing, you do no wrong. But that isn't very supportive either.
ReplyDeleteI know I've said wrong things to people in an attempt to show my support. I'm human, not perfect.
I wanted to post earlier, but couldn't compose myself long enough to author anything cogent. I am a mess, for sure, and I wanted to just tell you how grateful I am to have someone like you out here, cheering for me no matter what the weather throws at you in the stands.
ReplyDeleteOptimism can be in short supply with the RPL bunch and whatever you've got left to lend will be accepted gladly. Please keep it up. It's not acid at all. It's really a life force delivered by keystrokes that fuel that wee flame we carry around called hope.
I read your post during a particularly rough mental bit and it brought me back around to realize that YOU are here. I cannot say thanks enough, Roccie. But thank you for your support and friendship. And thank you for lending extra support last week just when I needed it.
Roccie, you are an amazing blog friend not to mention a snappy writer. You said everything I wanted to say but couldn't put into words.
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