Prognostication.
Whatever, I am about to talk way too much about dogs and how it made me think about donor eggs all night long. I expect about 75% of you may want to exit at this point. The ones who remain might only want to play the Name that Breed game.
You know the little man in my life, Huck.
He is a rescue dog who never takes a good photo since the camera sound indicating the image is in focus sounds a lot like his electric fence warning.
Huck is My Baby Before the Baby. Yes, I loved on my dogs with obscene levels of care, but my guess is if you are still reading at this point, you are merely nodding your head. There is no love like the love of a good dog.
We don't know much about Huck. The vet gave us an estimate on his age and that is about it. We often played the What the Heck is Huck game. We settled on Pointer mix. For Rocco's birthday this year I submitted Huck's DNA to see if we could identify any major breeds in him.
Now do you see where this long winded story is going?
I cannot stop staring at my dog and thinking about his real origins.
What does that mean. Real origins.
Is he any different now that I know his roots? His genetic ancestry? I kept thinking about when my child will study those topics in grade school. I remember drawing a family tree. Will my child struggle with his or hers?
Lately I have been sitting all smug in my donor egg loving fog, but damn, what about the child.
What in the hell does this have to do with the fact that Huck is one quarter Basset Hound. Hell if I know. I just catch myself staring at him, thinking how he looks nothing like a Cardigan Welsh Corgi... worrying about my child accepting similar ideas.
ACK! I am already obsessing over these things and my DE are still frosty.
ReplyDeleteTHERAPY. lots and lots of it. It's going to be ok. It has to be ok.
xoxo I miss you.
very interesting post. I bet what a child will wonder, just like the breeds of your dog, will be totally surprising. I think there is no way to prepare for this kind of stuff. I think that you comfort level with all of this, which is very clear, will help your child so much in sorting through all of this. He/she will know that they can explore and ask tons of questions without hurting you- so very important. I applaud you for this.
ReplyDeleteI worry about that too if we are lucky enough to have a baby via donor eggs.. I wonder how he/she will accept the fact that they are not genetically linked to my side of the family... (we are the coolest side, afterall :-) ) ... i hope to read lots and lots of books on this subject... meaning, i hope we get pregnant and i have some reading to do because of it. Your dog is cute :-) ... btw, this is Tippy. I was too lazy to sign into my other google account.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the answer either.
ReplyDeleteI did find this NPR story about children from donor eggs/sperm very interesting: http://www.npr.org/2011/09/17/140476716/a-new-openness-for-donor-kids-about-their-biology
There probably is no answer. It just has to be a long conversation, maybe over many years. I know you will handle it very well.
ReplyDeleteI wonder the same exact things for Olivia. I could drive myself crazy trying to come up with answers and scenarios but I try not to let myself go there that often. I think just being natural about adoption and being honest about everything (age appropriate, of course), will hopefully make O comfortable with adoption as well. I know that we'll have our own share of issues and conversations that we won't know the answers to, but that happens even when adoption isn't a part of parenting too. I don't know, it's scary not knowing how things will play out in the future, but I think we'll (meaning our family and yours) will do a pretty kick ass job of raising these little people to be comfortable with their "origins". I'm going to try my best, anyway. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm going the donor egg route too so what you say makes me wonder what the child will think too. Hopefully, I'll be able to instill the idea that genetics are a crap shoot.
ReplyDeleteI know someone with a pit bull that licks your face and jumps around like a shih tzu. Only god knows how this stuff is going to end up and we probably aren't going to have a lot to say in the matter.
I want to snuggle that doggy! So adorable!
ReplyDeleteI'm not from a donor situation, but it's kind of similar in ways, so maybe it can help you to hear it. To make a long story short, I've never met my father and he didn't know I existed until I was 24 and contacted his family to look for a medical history. The family tree assignments had one side, and yeah I wondered about the genetics. And because he was supposed to be my father, sometimes about the person himself. But never ever have I considered him family. It was always clear to me, even without being told, that loving interactions rather than genetic relations were the important things. And I hope your little on will see it the same way. (hugs)
He is no different. He is Huck. And he is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBut that's somewhat of a glib answer and I can see how the whole doggie DNA thing started the wheels a'turning. All I can offer you is this: we are all mutts. All of us in our own way. If you think of all the bits that go into any one of us. But, again, I realize that this is glib. It's one thing to consider family history in a vague way, and another to look at it very closely in a "near" family tree way. But I still think that "origins" is such a flukey thing, that none of us never knows what this means for sure. And that being carried, birthed and brought up by a loving Mama Roccie will be the most important parts of the equation (even if there is, one day, inevitable wondering).
I hear ya...in the same boat as you...LisainSK
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think matters more to huck? His love for you or the details of his breeding? Genetic information is just that. Love and life is a while lot more enduring.
ReplyDeleteRelax momma! Your his or her reality. The rest are just details.
You are... You're... Please forgive the errors. Late for this mama!
ReplyDeleteI am loving the Huck. I want very much to give him a pet right now. What a darling. I hate the word mutt, and I prefer more of a genetic mole. It's the unexpected spice that keeps things interesting after all. :)
ReplyDelete