Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Patient #367781, we will see you now

Man, does my OB office suck.  The place raises my blood pressure just walking in the door.  I do take extreme satisfaction declining follow up appointments with Dr. Evil - loudly. 

"No Dr. Evil.  Please schedule me with any other doctor."  I look around knowingly, nodding to imply anyone who overhears this will know exactly what I mean by it.  


I have a lot on my mind.  Has anyone seen my money tree?  I really need it about now.

Lots of late night discussions with Rocco lately around the budget, the debt, the house and how they all cohabitate.  We have been running the numbers.

Is it worth working when my net take home pay is roughly 50 cents a day?  No.  Of course I exaggerate, but I want to stay home.  I tend to manipulate the numbers to my favor.

I put out The Ultimatum at work.  I have an impending life event and need to make some decisions.  It is time for me to get that promotion please.


Okay.  Well.  Then.  I don't care about the title, I was really driving for the money anyhow.  Please show me how much you value me during raise and bonus time this year.

Lukewarm response.

Okay.  Well.

What do you do when you put out feelers for an ultimatum and it gathers no real response?  How do you read the writing on the wall when it merely says "You are so very Average".

It looks like I might get to be at home, but I expected a little horse trading to try to keep me.  Instead I got a big cake decorated with don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-ass icing.

I know there are real problems out there right now but I sort of just threw myself a pity party.  

Woe is Average Me.


  1. If you are Average dahlin', we are all very, very deficient (said in my best Augusta, Georgia accent). Those people at work don't know what's good for them clearly. But being home with baby might be nice for a while. And I always say jobs are like underwear, they come and go, and sometimes the fit is great and sometimes not. (i'm making no sense, but you'll forgive me because you are kind).
    Oh, and f*&k Dr. Evil.

  2. If you can swing it, stay home a while. If I hadn't done that, I'd be a holy wreck by now. And jobs ARE totally like underwear. Sometimes they crawl right up your ass and stink.

  3. Reading this makes me want to yell, but instead you are going to be stuck with my prayers. There's a whole lot of advice and encouragement I could offer, but it would probably ring hollow because my objectivity would be suspect. Please keep your focus and know whatever the shit that is going on, it will pass, and you will land on your feet ready to kick ass another day. The cash will come, and so will a future, better job--at your same company, or another, working for someone who appreciates your greatness. Good news is I've found company org charts can change quite a bit over the course of a maternity leave!

  4. What Augusta said. Average? Harumph. I have great hopes for a money tree. I have planted a row of pennies in your honor and will keep you informed on the progress.

  5. I agree with all,I seriously doubt you are just average.

  6. Sounds like the only thing average is your employer (and the HR powers that be). Actually, I'd say sub-par. It's clear that you've given a lot to that job, more than other people would have. It's one thing for people not to recognize that in a patting-you-on-the-back kind of way. It's vastly different for them not to recognize it through recognition of an impending life event. Or through moola. That's the unforgivable bit.

    Those conversations around money are very tough ones. There have been a few in the Delinquent Household, as well. Balancing the needs of now with the demands of later. And, yeah. This economy. I'd love to say that in a year or two things will be vastly different but...the indicators just aren't there. At the SAME time, human happiness should rank pretty high on the scale in terms of decisions. And it sounds to me like you work at Schmuckville Central.

    No easy answers.

  7. It burns to give your all and not be valued for it, and it's hard not to say I'm going to RUN AWAY and THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY. At least, it's hard for ME. And maybe this WILL turn out to be the time for a transition. If so, I know you'll land on your feet. You are far too utterly-not-average for it to be otherwise.

  8. HR sucks a**! to hell wit em if they can't see what wonderful talent they have. Staying home rocks, except for the constant nursery songs going around in your head.

  9. I agree -- your employer is clearly the average guest at this mediocre party. I say you get out of there immediately and start sharing your adventures in SAHM-hood.

  10. They OBVIOUSLY don't read your blog. If they did, they'd know you're FAR from average : )

  11. Delurking here for a moment to say I wish there were more people like you out there.

  12. You are far from average, my dear. You're definitely in my top 10% and I'd give a lot to have you living nearby! Smart, funny, and you totally get it. (Why isn't there an Infertile Mommies Group in every town?)

    And you know what? It really isn't worth it to work when daycare fees would eat up your entire income. We figured out that we're actually $550 / month ahead by having me work 27 hours a week but not needing daycare as opposed to working 40. Do overnight shifts somewhere on the weekend and make Rocco do those nights at home, and you can probably increase your functional income and still be at home all day long every day with the kids.

  13. Roccie = average? I think not my dear!

    I really hope you can swing it and stay at home for a while. You've worked so hard to get here ... its only fair damnit!

  14. Yep I've pulled the same ultimatum at my work recently and had the same response. You expect them to at least negotiate but get the "Meh, ok then see you later"
    Gah all I wanted was a little begging and a raise ;)

  15. Clearly your awesomeness is underappreciated. You are far from average, my dear. Many hugs.

  16. Ugh. That last one was from me. Having commenting issues...