So, I cry at work. Poor bastards. I try to listen to what they are saying and focus on whatever trivial bullshit they want from me. But I start to cry. And they hate it, I hate it, we all get uncomfortable together. I did it twice last week and a couple times this week.
This is my shit show.
I am getting a little under it all. I fucked up my meds this week. Don't ask me how, but I confused endometrin with estrace for 3 days and this will haunt me. Should this not result in a BFP, I will have this monster in my head. TMI. Sorry, but this post is all about my shit show.
I get a lot of heat from my family when I talk like this. "You have a beautiful daughter", "Don't let this ruin everything", and my favorite, "Other things that make me feel bad for not being happy". I get it. Doesn't mean I can do it, but I understand.
I can get past it all when I am with the little one. She is a powerful creature. I watch her find joy in picking dog hair off her hands. Everything makes her happy.
I lose my way at work. I am there to pay the RE bills, the pharmacy, the acupuncturist and the witch doctor at the health food store. What a catch - don't stress, go deep into debt and oh, by the way, no crazy meds for you.
I try not to talk baby as I know we share many losses. I hope you will indulge me during my shit show. We can get there. We just don't know how it all works. We will only believe it when it happens. I know it will happen for us.